The Alien Warrior King's Accountant - Loki Renard Page 0,16

I have encountered thus far.

“I will return to you later,” Tyrant promises me. “Terrible will assist you with your employer.”

He leaves me with one last affectionate brush of his fingers across my rear, and Terrible returns. I feel so much better facing him with this professional attire on. I guess that’s what professional attire is for — it’s like armor, but for your feelings.

“I’m going to manifest some very archaic and basic technology which will allow you to see and hear your boss, and vice versa. I suggest your conversation with him be limited to your work, not your interpersonal relations with the king.”

“You mean don’t tell my boss I fucked my client? Gotcha.”

Terrible flinches as if my words are physically painful to him. Good. I like the idea that I might be able to annoy him with a little crassness, and also be able to take some pride in my copulation with the king.

3 The Probe

“How are you doing, Tania?”

“Great, thanks, Mr. Rogers. Thank you so much for this assignment.”

I’m standing because sitting isn’t comfortable, but that’s fine, the desk which Terrible manifested for me can be raised or lowered with nothing more than a thought.

“I thought you would enjoy it,” Mr. Rogers says, pleased.

I’m not sure I’m saying what I should be saying. I should probably be asking to come home immediately. Tyrant and I may have parted company on orgasmic terms, but he punished me for close to no reason. I cannot expect fairness from him. I don't know what to expect from him.

But seeing Mr. Rogers’ face reminds me that I have a real job. This is real. And if I can pull this off, I’m going to be a legend around whoever in the office will admit to knowing about aliens. They don’t have to know about the part where I got spanked on my first day. I can just keep that to myself.

“This will be a challenge, but I expect you will rise to it.”

“I will, sir, thank you.”

The transmission is cut off, thanks to Terrible un-manifesting the entire unit.

“That’s enough of that,” he says. “Humans spend so much time in unnecessary conversation. It is time you began your work. First you will need your BUTT.”

“I think I still have it.”

“No, your Binder containing the Universal Taxation Theory code. Previous accountants have referred to it as a BUTT.”

“Ah, and were previous accountants teenage boys?”

“Not that I am aware of. I have had little contact with previous humans. It is not something I would choose of my own accord.”

He’s actually disgusted by me, I think. It is strange, how Tyrant was attracted to me and this one can barely stand me. The feeling is mutual. I find Terrible absolutely repulsive in personality.

He manifests and then dumps a big sheaf of papers in front of me, and I immediately feel so much better. This is what I know how to work with, completely obtuse and likely contradictory regulations.

“Familiarize yourself with these, human. The accounts themselves will come later. I imagine the king will want to present them, and you will no doubt need to question him due to an inevitable lack of understanding.”

He can’t get through a sentence without insulting me, it’s almost like a reflex.

But to his credit, he does set about creating an environment I can be comfortable in. I find myself staring at a proper bed with a soft quilted comforter, which makes me feel so very cozy just looking at it, and everything besides.

“I have created a replica of a bed and breakfast in the mountains of a particularly rural area of your homeland. I suspect this will suit you.”

He’s right. It does. It even has a window which looks out onto a forest which isn’t there. There’s a big wide desk underneath that window, where I can spread out my papers and really get into the work ahead.

I sit down at the table, breathe in what suddenly appears to be cabin air. There is a touch of smoke to it, a hint of fire coming from the fireplace which is crackling merrily behind me.

“If you do not do good work, I will turn this into a prison cell.”

“I intend to do good work, Mr. Terrible. I have always done good work. Your threats are unnecessary. But thank you, I really like the decor. It’s a thousand times nicer than my real apartment.”

“I’m sure it is. I will leave you to painstakingly read every word in the regulations as you humans need