he soothe his female, that he calm her fears. And Jaxor tried to do just that, giving in to it for once. He drew her close, ignoring her surprised expression.
“Last night was…” he trailed off, shaking his head. “I liked what we did. Loved it.”
Her breath hitched at that. Finally, her eyes rose to him. Her expression was shy and hopeful and it made him want to kiss her until she never second-guessed herself again. “You did?”
“Of course,” he growled.
“But…” she trailed off. “But you didn’t want to have sex last night?”
He couldn’t help the purring sound that rose unexpectedly at her words. The sound of his Instinct’s need.
He licked his lips, wondering how best to answer.
“We only recently began this between us,” he finally said when his silence grew too long. “I thought that, perhaps, we should take more time.”
“You want more time?” she asked. There wasn’t judgment in her voice, only curiosity.
Vrax, nix, he did not want more time, he thought. If he threw caution to the wind and decided once and for all to keep her for himself, she would be on her hands and knees, taking him at that very moment. He would get her heavy with his seed just to make sure their bond was unbreakable. Just the vision of that made his head swim in desire.
Offspring? he questioned. Jaxor had never considered that he would sire them at all. But now…there was possibility. Possibility that made hidden wants enter the forefront of his mind.
“Nix,” he said, his treacherous mouth disconnected from his mind. He cursed himself silently after that, especially when he saw the way her brows quirked.
“I don’t need more time,” she said quietly. His chest heaved, panic and desire and dread and elation making him unsteady, even sitting down.
“Nix?” he rasped.
“I think,” she started, “that sex is important in a relationship, isn’t it? To explore it.”
His heart pounded hard at relationship. His claws curled tighter.
His voice came out rougher than he’d intended when he asked, “And if you have an opportunity to return back to your home planet? What then?”
She frowned, hesitation entering her gaze. “What do you mean?”
Perhaps she didn’t understand the finality of this, he realized. He wondered if humans mated and bonded the same way that Luxirians did. Because his Instinct, their connection, their bond decreed by the Fates? It would never go away. Even in death, it would always be there. Which was why so many fated Luxirian partners followed their mates into death, into the next life.
It was what his own sire had done, after all, turning his back on his duties as Prime Leader, leaving them to Vaxa’an. In the blink of an eye, his sire had made that decision. He’d followed their mother into the blackworld moments after she traveled on, as if he couldn’t bear to live without her for mere seconds.
“If we consummate the bond, rixella, then there is no going back,” he told her, his voice dark with the memory of his parents. Of their love for one another.
She understood. He could see the realization in her eyes and it brought him momentary relief. Maybe if she understood the magnitude of it, she wouldn’t want to jump beneath the furs with him so willingly.
“I know,” she murmured, dashing that hope.
He blinked, looking at her in surprise. “And you would so willingly give up your home, your family, for that?”
She bit her lip. “I don’t know yet. It’s an impossible question.”
“Until you know the answer,” he said, swallowing, “we cannot go through with this.”
“Everything is so new,” she said, flushing again. He’d never seen her blush so much in their time together. She brought her hands to her face, pressing the coolness of her hands to her cheeks. “But last night…if you had asked me that same question, I might have even said yes, just to get you to…”
Jaxor sobered. So, the Instinct did affect her?
“You felt the pull?” he asked.
She nodded. Then she lifted her gaze and admitted, “I felt like I would never be whole if you weren’t inside me. That’s crazy, isn’t it? I think I would’ve done anything you asked of me. It frightens me sometimes, thinking about what this is.”
Jaxor swallowed, the sound loud between them.
“It frightens me too, rixella,” he said, his chest aching, wanting to comfort her in the best way he could.
Unfortunately, the only way he could think to comfort her was with lies. And he’d already told her so many.