of them in family court, which I think broke down my mother even more.”
Painful memories. Erin could still feel the pain of watching her mother’s face, of hearing the judge call her ‘unfit.’ Erin had wished for so long that she could be detached from those feelings, but despite everything, Erin still loved her, still cared for her.
“What I’m trying to say,” she continued, clearing her throat, “is that I know what envy feels like. I gave up a lot raising them the best way I could. I had to grow up too fast. I never got to be a child. I never got to play sports or have after-school clubs or make friends I could hang out with on weekends. I had to work two jobs in high school because we needed money. But I watched them have those things as they grew older. And I’m not proud that some days I felt a lot of bitterness because of that, because of those small things I never had. But it never made me love them any less.”
He watched her quietly for long moments before saying, “And your mother? What became of her?”
Erin sighed. “I’d been mending that relationship when I got abducted. She wanted to be in our lives, but I told her she had to get help, stay clean, no more pills…which she did. I was proud of her. And though it will never be the sort of relationship I want, she was in our lives. She’s made a lot of progress. I just hope that she’s continued to be there for the twins now that I’m gone.”
Moonlight slanted into the overhead entrance to the cave, piercing and silver. His skin flickered between a grayish-blue and a golden yellow as he told her, “You should be proud of what you have done. It was unfair what you endured, but you are strong because of it, rixella.”
Her throat felt tight with those words. She’d kept that story so close to her that not even her friends there on Luxiria knew the whole truth of it, just bits and pieces she’d mentioned over time that could be pieced together into a fragmented picture.
Perhaps she’d been too closed off at times, she realized now. She didn’t have the openness of Beks or Cecelia. She rarely wore her emotions on her sleeve. She’d kept them close, guarded, and because of that, her friends saw her much like her siblings probably did.
But Jaxor had already seen past that, to the darker parts of her, to facets of her that she’d perhaps never realized she’d had. It was a relief. It was freeing.
“Thank you,” she said softly, sliding her arms around him.
And she might not trust him completely, but that night, she might have lost a tiny piece of her heart to him nonetheless.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Something had definitely changed between them, Erin knew. It was apparent, that night, the following morning, the rest of the day.
For one, she’d woken in Jaxor’s arms. No longer did he sleep by the mouth of the cave, but rather pressed up against her, tucking her between the wall and his warm body.
It had made her a little shy at first, but considering what had happened the night before, she realized that was the last thing she should be shy about. The hot springs felt like a dream. She’d felt open and honest, maybe for the first time in a long time. And she’d revealed things to Jaxor that not even her best friends back on Earth knew.
She’d laid still in his arms, feeling his even breaths rustle her hair, memorizing the scent and warmth of him. Erin felt like they were on borrowed time. She believed that there was no future for them there, but she couldn’t help but lie still and pretend that there was. Pretend that they loved each other, pretend that she had no responsibilities back on Earth, pretend that there were no Mevirax, pretend that they could be happy right there, forever.
It was a wonderful little daydream, if only for a moment.
Erin had slipped from his arms before he woke and went down to the base level.
It was there that he found her when he rose, huddled into furs, next to a pitiful fire she’d tried to make. He crouched by it, watching the flames, still bare-chested from the night before while she shivered in the cold morning air.
“I tried,” she said, remembering too vividly the look in his eyes as he licked between her