Alibi (Brantley Walker Off the Books #5) - Nicole Edwards Page 0,63

at the spot Kylie used to occupy, and his chest constricted again, but this time there was anger boiling in the pain. “I can’t.” He looked back at Gage. “I made love to her that mornin’. Right there. Right there in that fuckin’ bed. I can’t be in here without thinkin’ about that. About her. Missin’ what we were supposed to have for an eternity. That was it. My last moment with her.”

He saw something flash in Gage’s eyes. Pain? Misery?

“At least you had that,” Gage whispered.

Oh, that was far more than misery. That was agony and despair.

“At least you have that to remember, Trav. Those precious minutes you had with her that mornin’.” A tear streaked down his face. “I didn’t even get that.”

It wouldn’t have hurt more if Gage had punched him in the stomach.

“I…” Travis didn’t know what to say. Words were not going to help, of that he was certain.

“It’s not your fault, Trav. It’s not.” Gage took a deep breath, his hands relaxing as he leaned in, forehead to forehead. “I was mad at you initially. Sure. For about a minute. You got that and I didn’t. I couldn’t understand why I didn’t get that. Why I couldn’t’ve had just five more minutes with her.”

Travis fisted Gage’s shirt tighter, feeling the sorrow as it poured off of his husband. He hadn’t seen that last precious moment he’d had with Kylie as a blessing. But Gage was right. He’d had that.

“Every minute without her is agony, Trav. That’s to be expected. We’ve lost somethin’ important. Somethin’ crucial. But we have to keep puttin’ one foot in front of the other. We can’t keep dwellin’ on what we don’t have. It’s not good for us; it’s not good for the kids.”

He knew Gage was right. Of course he did, but that didn’t make it any easier.

“How do we fix it?” Travis honestly wanted to know. He needed to know because going on like this wasn’t sustainable.

They stared at one another for a moment.

“The letter,” Gage finally said.

Travis didn’t speak.

“Tomorrow, we’ll read the letter. Together.”

Travis managed a nod.

“But tonight we’ll start by sleepin’ in here. Both of us.” There was so much pain in Gage’s eyes. “I don’t wanna be alone, Trav. You said you wouldn’t make me do this alone.”

Travis knew Gage wasn’t referring to taking care of the house, the kids, the responsibilities. Travis was putting in his time as promised. Yet he was ignoring their relationship, their bond. He’d all but written it off because he didn’t believe he deserved Gage. In doing so, he was hurting the man he loved.

“We’ll start with one night,” Gage continued. “See how it goes.”

Travis wasn’t sure he’d survive it, but at the same time, he knew he wouldn’t survive leaving Gage alone tonight. Hell, he couldn’t survive much more of this rift they were creating between them. It was tearing him to shreds with each passing day.

“Okay.”

Gage must’ve known he was having a difficult time processing even with his agreement because he didn’t go far, leading the way to their bed.

Every step Travis took felt heavy. His heart picked up a new rhythm, a drumbeat of both pain and need, loss and love.

“Be with me tonight, Trav. Just me. Just us. For a little while.”

Travis focused only on Gage, on the man he had fallen in love with, the man who’d been his lifeline and his anchor over the years.

“I love you,” Travis whispered, sliding his palms over Gage’s whiskered cheeks.

“I know.”

Travis realized that was the second time Gage had responded that way. He hadn’t returned the sentiment, merely acknowledged it.

“Tell me you love me, Gage,” Travis insisted, pulling back enough that he could see Gage’s face clearly, so he could look in his eyes. “Tell me.”

“I do, Travis. Of course I do.”

He cupped Gage’s face firmly. “Tell. Me.”

Gage’s eyes flashed with pain once again.

Travis stepped in, holding Gage roughly. “Tell me you love me, damnit.”

“I love you,” Gage blurted, a sob tearing free. “Goddammit, Travis. I love you.”

“Why’s it so hard for you to say it?”

Gage’s brown eyes shined with unshed tears. “It’s not.”

He wouldn’t say that was a lie, but it damn sure wasn’t the truth.

“Tell me again,” he demanded, sliding his hands into Gage’s hair, gripping firmly as he looked down into his eyes.

“I love you,” Gage rasped, as though the words were torn from his chest. “I love you so fuckin’ much, Travis. So much, but it hurts. I know you loved Kylie more,