The Ahern Brothers Collection - Claudia Burgoa Page 0,68
and turn off the engine. The locks open automatically. Wes swings the door open and takes me into his arms.
“What happened?”
I don’t know, I think without saying a word. They’re stuck inside my throat along with the tears. This is too much. I can’t. I just …
“You’re safe,” he says, his words sound empty, hesitant.
His doubt crashes against my chest and destroys me completely. From my eyes pours a thick flow of tears. I cry as if my insides are being shred. Emotional pain flows out of every pore of my body. I shake violently as the whole world vanishes before me. Everything is a blur, I breathe heavier than I ever have before, gasping for air. My throat burns. All I feel now is agony.
“We have to talk, Abby. This isn’t normal. What you said upstairs …”
What did I say?
I’m losing my fucking mind. I can feel it unravelling. Threats of all the memories I can recall from that time scatter all over the place. He’s just talking; there’s nothing incriminating I could’ve said. I know better than to let anyone know what happened in that house.
“Abby, what’s happening?”
Talk idiot. Say something.
Wes needs to know that I’m fine. I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. My upper body and shoulders wrack with every sob that forces its way out, my chest rising and falling unevenly as I gasp for air. I squeeze my eyes shut, balling my hands and throwing my head back to let out a blood curdling scream. There’s too much raw pain inside me to be contained.
He scoops me from the seat and carries me into the house. Once we’re in my room, he sets me on the bed and lies down next to me.
“I’m here for you, but in order to help you, you have to let me in.”
Why would I want him to be part of a world where there’s only darkness and ugliness? I cry harder like my spirit needs to break loose from my skin, desperate to release the agony and rage on the world. Wes’ soothing words make no difference this time. I’m beyond all reason, beyond any methods of calming.
Wes doesn’t give up and begins counting while pressing me against his body as if he’s trying to fuse us. I’m not strong enough to fight his hold or to join him. Suddenly my eyes are heavy, and his voice is a distant dream.
The house was dark. Mom left two days ago, promising to come back at night. There wasn’t anything in the refrigerator. The power was out. It was the beginning of winter. A bitter December. Grandma, who never left me by myself, died only days before. I recalled the day she lectured me for wanting to stay home alone.
“Not until you’re thirteen and you show me that you’re responsible enough to be on your own. Kids should always be supervised.”
My mother didn’t care for me. When she left, I pleaded for her to stay or take me with her.
“Please,” I whimpered quietly, afraid she’d hit me.
“If you draw any attention to yourself, you’re going to pay, stupid kid.” She banged the door as she locked it.
At night, I counted along with Elly, my stuffed elephant. The one Grandma gave me when I was little. Morning came and went. My stomach growled. I missed two days of school. I missed the spelling test and the new words for the next week.
I waited right by the door. On the third night, she finally made it home. When she saw me, her eyes flared.
“What are you doing here?”
“I was waiting for some food.”
“You don’t deserve anything,” she screamed.
“Grandma always fed me.”
“Look at me.” She pulled me by the hair and closed the door behind her.
“I said look at me!” she squeezed my cheeks very hard after slapping me a few times. My face stung.
“You’re hurting me,” I mumbled, tears dripping slowly down my face. “Grandma never hurt me.”
“I don’t fucking care what my mother did or didn’t do,” she screamed into my face, her hot stinky breath burning my eyes. “She’s dead!”
“Grandma loved me.” I squeezed my stuffed elephant tighter.
“My mother didn’t love anyone. She was just as bad as my drunken father,” she screamed into my face, her hot stinky breath burning my eyes. “Dad hit me with his fist. She hurt me with her attitude.”
She slapped me hard. My head snapped back, and the room spun. I touched my burning cheek and stared at her with hate. Mother snatched