The Ahern Brothers Collection - Claudia Burgoa Page 0,107
that I grabbed at the bookstore.
I just can’t date. So far, I haven’t damaged my new beginning, but I feel like a relationship with a man would destroy everything I’ve built with a single kiss.
“Of course I had a topic in mind. A guy from the office asked me out, but how can I go?” I show her my hands.
“What’s stopping you?”
“If I start something, I’m eventually going to have to tell him what happened to me. We know how that went last time.”
Wes became cold and put distance between us. I don’t think I can fall for a guy and survive being rejected again. Not that I’d love someone the way I loved Weston Ahern.
“Why bother if they’re just going to reject me?”
“You’re already writing them off without giving them a chance to show you who they are. What if you try one date?”
“I might not be sticking around,” I say, trying to avoid her brilliant answer.
Or facing the devastating truth. Giving someone a chance is accepting that Wes and I are completely over. We are, aren’t we?
You’re so over.
“Are you considering going home?”
The question sucker punches me right in the gut. Am I even considering it? It’d be easier to accept the invitation of a stranger than jump in my car and drive almost two thousand miles to a place that holds bitter memories along with the man who can’t even write me a letter because of my ugly past.
Would they recognize me if I went back? The local news aired Corbin’s story. Many of his victims were buried under my house, in the basement. Some families were able to find closure. With all the evidence, they didn’t even need me to testify. But do people know about me?
I fit in here—in a big city where I can easily go unnoticed. There, I was one of those women who did shameful things. No one would want to be associated with me. It’s an obsession that has been keeping me up at night since Sterling offered to take me home.
Thankfully, I’m at a point where I don’t feel like it was my fault. Nothing that happened to me was because of something I did. I wanted to help Ava, but then they brained washed me to the point that I obeyed. Even when I fought, I was trained to stay with them.
“What if someone recognizes me?” I ask her.
“From?”
I shrug. “The internet, the news …”
“If anyone recognized you from the internet, shame on them. You should report them.”
She’s right. If anyone is looking at naked pictures of an underage child, they should be in jail. I won’t be afraid of those men.
“What if this time around I break down too, just like the last time?”
Since the day I arrived at the Aherns, I tried to act as if nothing bad had happened to me, but the nightmares made it impossible. They treated me amazingly well, but they had no idea of the extent of my trauma. Once I went to college, I tried to reinvent myself.
Get over it, Abby, I kept telling myself. As if it were possible. For five years I tricked myself into thinking that I was doing fine. I ignored the shattered pieces of my past for years. I should’ve reached out for help, but that Abigail never accepted what had happened to her. I was miserable, and I hurt myself in different ways.
Never once did I verbalized it, but I wanted to die. I didn’t want to be anywhere else because I didn’t believe I’d fit in anywhere. I had no fucking idea what I was doing, and to avoid what my mind screamed at me, I numbed myself with a life I didn’t enjoy. I was too ashamed to face myself. When Wes asked me to move back, I should’ve said no.
I wanted to please him, to keep him. But he wasn’t mine. He belonged to the happy, free, and joyful Abby. It’s like I was two different people. Not that I had a split personality, though some days it felt like it.
If I were to go back to Colorado, would I see Wes or his mother? After everything that’s happened, I’m only in touch with Sterling. Linda called to check on me; the nurses gave me the message. I sent her a letter to apologize because back then, I felt like I’d lied to her. I used her and Will. Since then, we’ve exchanged holiday and birthday cards. Losing both her and Wes