The Ahern Brothers Collection - Claudia Burgoa Page 0,100

both fell to the floor.

There are nights when I dream about that. But instead, he slashes my neck before anyone can come for me. Other times, the sniper shoots me. Once I’m awake, I count using my bracelet to calm myself from the nightmares. That’s when I think a lot about you. Seems like I can only sleep well when I’m right beside you.

My therapist and I are trying to deconstruct our relationship. Well, I’m the one doing it. She’s guiding me. Was what we had a real friendship or were we codependent?

Either way, I want you to know that since I left for college, I looked forward to our daily conversations and your visits. The truth is, you’re my favorite person. Our relationship has changed, and it’ll keep changing because I’m not the same person anymore. I hope that we can still be in each other’s lives and continue being friends.

I miss you so much.

Abby

December 11th

Abby,

How can you miss someone when they’re right beside you? I’m there, with you. I promised never to leave you. I failed you, but I never abandoned you. Sorry if I don’t write often, but I’m not in a good place. There, I admitted it. My head is all fucked up. I shouldn’t be telling you this when you’re going through worse, but it’s hard to breathe.

The woman I love almost died, and it was my fault. I was so wrapped up in the company and the fucking IPO that I ignored your warnings. You should be hating me, yet, you still ask me to write to you. Some nights I lay awake thinking about the abduction and how I could’ve prevented it. Others, I wake up reliving what could’ve happened if they hadn’t made it to you in time.

Some nights, it’s three in the morning and all I can think about are the missed opportunities. In my mind, we could’ve been so much more if I’d have been brave enough to stand up to my father.

We’re missing each other because we left too many things unsaid and because I wanted to prove myself to someone who was too much of a coward to live life to the fullest. A guy who, as much as I loved him, couldn’t love his children as much as he loved material shit.

In my mind, we’re walking alongside a trail you’re close to, but not close enough. When I’m having these dreams, you become a blur, and I can’t catch up to you no matter how fast I run. You simply disappear.

I wish you were here with me by my side. That I could be holding you when you wake up from a bad dream. But I know you’re in a place where they can help you. Hopefully you’re learning how to be comfortable in your own skin, so you won’t hurt yourself anymore. You’re important to me, and the thing I wish for the most is that you live happily. Even if I’m no longer in the picture.

Wes

December 15th

Wes,

My mind is consumed with thoughts of how much easier life would be if you were by my side. In my head, each night I have a long conversation with you about my day. There are so many things I want to say, to share, and to ask. It’s hard to take walks along the trails when the earthy smell reminds me of you. I miss your soothing voice, your warm arms, and the safety of our bubble.

I miss you.

Your spirit might be beside me, but sometimes I feel like I’m forgetting the pitch of your voice. The way your jaw twitches when you’re upset. That slight smile you get every time I’m around. The sexy smirk on your face and your beautiful dark blue eyes. These past six years with you have been phenomenal. I wouldn’t change them, but I stop and wonder what part of me is it that you’re attracted to? Would you still love me if I ever opened up to you?

Seems like you’re taking your own journey, and just like you feel, I want to be with you too. Please, talk to me. I want to discover who you are while I do the same. If our footsteps ever meet on the same trail, I hope we recognize each other and that we can continue walking along the same path.

Love,

Abby

December 23rd

Wes,

Merry Christmas. I wanted to knit you a sweater, but I’m not a crafty person. I tried to learn, but knitting is an art.