Afterlife - Stephanie Hudson Page 0,134

salty water. I wiped them off with the back of my hand, angry at myself for being so soft.

“Pull yourself together Keira!” I said out loud. Frank would be here soon and I didn't want him seeing me upset. I was good at hiding my feelings. Hell I was a pro! I was a terrible liar but through lots of practice I could have won an Oscar for acting as though I was fine.

When Frank turned up I played my usual trick of asking him about a game I knew he had seen recently on the box. This lasted me all the way home with just having to nod and say the occasional “Umm,” and “Ah” when it was needed.

I don't know why but that night I cried myself to sleep.

I felt better the next day after a dreamless sleep and having a full day between my last one was a little bit comforting. My dreams were getting out of hand so I made the decision that I would make an appointment to speak to a doctor, in order to get some more pills. I was going to beat this obsession, it wasn't healthy and it had to stop! I kept that frame of mind all day as I helped Libby with housework and we both cooked a pie together for tonight's meal. Well I say “We” in the loosest sense of the word, as it was more like I cooked and she talked, keeping me company.

Every now again I did slip up and when Libby asked me what had happened to my neck I dropped the knife I held in my hand, nearly severing off a couple of toes. I told her what I had first thought it could have been.

“Bug bite!” I said passing it off as nothing, which was far from the truth.

For the whole two hours leading up to my next shift I tried to convince myself that I was a waitress and nothing more and I needed to get this sickness out of my head before it got me into even more trouble. Because primarily that was what Draven was...Trouble. I had come here to get away from all of that and so I would have to try to remember that throughout the night.

Of course, as soon as I walked past his table for the first time on my shift, all my logic went out of my head as though someone had flicked a switch. I scorned myself for not being strong enough to not want him. Damn him! Why couldn't I find the strength, after all the things I had done and been through.... this I couldn't do!

I was fighting with my mind and my heart trying to get them to co-operate but they were rebelling and as a result I wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. I kept making mistakes, taking orders to the wrong tables and bumping into the other waitresses. In the end I told Karmun that I needed five minutes to sort my head out and he threw a bottle of water at me as though he knew this would be my cure.

Once outside I nearly downed the whole bottle, as I couldn't get rid of the thirst nagging at my throat like I’d swallowed barbed wire. I needed some sort of pain to bring me back to down to the earth I didn't feel part of. I let the anger course through my veins and build up and up until I broke. I punched one of the trees by the door making it shake under the pressure. I had hit it with everything I had, and a sharp twig scratched at my hand and knuckles.

It didn't bleed but it left a mark and I had accomplished my goal, as now I was fully alert to the pain. I knew it wasn't the best idea but it had worked, I now went back to my job without making a pig’s ear of it. I buzzed around as I was now back in the zone. I cleared all my tables and replenished them all with drinks again as though I had downed a few espressos. The throbbing in my hand only made me concentrate more and I pulled my glove over my hand to hide my blazing red skin. Ok, so it was going to leave a bruise but I didn't care.

My shift was soon over and I was saying goodbye to Karmun when my night changed back from