the sight of my Crown Lily in the main docking bay. My heart is beating with astonishing rapidity, so hard that my body actually shakes from it, harder even than it does in battle.
That was close. I almost—I nearly—
I didn’t. I did not betray the only person in the universe who would never, will never betray me. Today I have mastered myself in order to protect what I cannot afford to lose. Even if it does leave the bitter taste of denial in my mouth. Who are you to deny me anything, even without knowing it?
Supremely grouchy, I return to my ship, and from there to our quarters. You’re bound to be digging around in the garden, so I should have a few hours of peace and quiet before I assemble my generals tonight for the strategy meeting. I need it. I’m out of sorts and could use a glass of…what else?…wine. Or perhaps something stronger.
But as the door to our quarters closes, I hear you moving around in the bedroom. I sigh. So much for solitude.
“Mír?” you call, your happy, inquisitive tone so different from that of the purring paramour. “Is that you?”
Is it me? Who else would it be? Nobody else can get in without your permission. But I tamp my grumbling down and say only, “Of course,” as I head for the bedchamber.
“Oh, good!” you say. “I was hoping you’d come back before tonight. I was poking around the station shops today, and I saw something that made me think of you, so I bought it. Well, I tried to buy it, but then they just let me have it! Did you know that nobody will ever let me pay for anything?”
In spite of myself, I smile. “Astonishing,” I reply as I enter the room. You’re nowhere to be seen, but then I realize you are rummaging around in the bathroom.
“I mean, I would,” you say plaintively from behind the door. “You’d think after two years people would know I have good credit.”
I nearly laugh. At the end of the day, you are, in fact, adorable.
“But I don’t even have to tell them I’m with you,” you continue. “Everybody just…knows.”
Of course they know. I circulated your picture within hours of your arrival on my ship so that all could see who you were and would understand that if you came to grief, then the guilty party would be a long time dying. I do the same thing each time we move to a new station or world. And you never, ever travel beyond this ship without being discreetly trailed by a member of my Honor Guard. Not a spy, but a protector: It is other people I don’t trust. And I will not let you come to harm.
Shouldn’t this be enough for you? Shouldn’t this be proof of my affection, above and beyond some silly notion of fidelity or monogamy? Would it really be such a horrible infraction if I just found some pretty woman and got it out of my syst—
“Well, anyway,” you say, and emerge from the bathroom, peeking shyly at me from beneath the fall of your hair. My eyes go wide.
You are wearing a gown such as you have never worn before: wine red and low-cut, offering your flawless skin and full breasts to me like gifts. The gown is made of silk and chiffon, and it flutters and clings to you like a lover. You wear no jewelry, no ornaments or gems, save for your two bright, dark eyes.
I’m frozen in place. You bite your lip and smile hopefully at me. “You like it?” you say and pluck self-consciously at the filmy skirt. “The lady said it was a nice fit. She said it was a nice color on me, too.” The lady? “She was really helpful,” you add, and all I can think is, Someone else has seen you like this? Someone’s eyes have touched you, and this sight is not for me alone? You have paraded yourself like a paramour?
“I saw it in a window, and I thought it was really pretty,” you continue, heedless of what you are provoking. I’m having a hard time breathing. “I’m not sure I pull it off, but—”
Then you look at me and blink. I wonder what you see in my eyes. Whatever it is, it causes you to blush.
“Do you like it?” you whisper again and draw closer to me, reach out to touch my arms, to take my hands.