After Felix - Lily Morton Page 0,83

the happy-ever-afters I’ve dreamed about.

I frown as I think back on the times he’s mentioned Ivo on this trip. And my thoughts surprise me. Because Max has actually brought him up in passing a few times. I realise suddenly that this is something that has changed about Max. Back when we’d been together, he never spoke of Ivo. No matter how hard I steered a conversation in Ivo’s direction, Max would veer away from the subject like a startled horse.

“Felix?”

I look up to find Max watching me.

“You alright?” he asks. “You were far away.”

“Oh, yes.” I clear my throat of hoarseness. “Just wondering whether you intend to walk to the mainland tonight.”

“So snippy,” he says affectionately. “Come on. We can shortcut down here.”

“You don’t sound very sure,” I call as I follow him down a narrow alleyway.

He looks back and grins. “That’s because I’m not. Last time I took this route, I was pissed out of my tree.”

“When weren’t you pissed out of your tree?” I mutter, avoiding the hanging tendrils of a plant. “You’d have given Lindsay Lohan a run for her money.”

He laughs. “I’m always amazed I didn’t take a header into the water.”

“That’s because you’re like a cat. Only with ninety lives.”

And I thank God for every one of them, I think with a passionate fervour that brings a flush to my cheeks.

He shrugs. “Considering some of the scrapes I’ve been in, someone must have been looking after me.”

“Whoever it was is probably in rehab now, Max. You should send a fruit basket.”

I’m grateful for his laughter because it covers up the turmoil of my feelings. It’s so easy to imagine Max taking a faulty step or three and tumbling into the water or in front of a car. He’d been reckless for years. I might never have met this big, warm man, never heard his laugh, never had all his attention beam on me like a lighthouse, illuminating parts of me that nobody else ever bothered to see.

We come out onto a path, the canal stretching ahead of us. The water slops gently, and the houses crowd over us, big and narrow with their tall windows. Voices and music come from one house, bright windows sending lozenges of colour over us and illuminating Max’s expression as he gazes into my eyes. I look up at his handsome face, watch the breeze tousling his wavy hair, and suddenly it’s all too much.

“Max,” I whisper.

I slam into him, pushing him against the dark building beside us and pressing my lips against his. For a second, we both still in surprise, and then he groans loudly and opens his mouth to my tongue. Everything instantly dies away—all my thoughts and worries—replaced by a surge of the delicious heat we’ve always generated together. A sudden feeling of sweet relief makes tears prick my eyes. Nobody has ever felt so right against me, as though I’m made for just him.

I sag against him and he gives another deep groan and grabs me closer, kissing me furiously, his good hand roving all over me as if he’s familiarising himself with some terrain he used to know well.

I don’t know how long we kiss for, but when he pulls back, our panting breaths are loud and humid between us, puffing white in the cold air. I shiver, feeling the loss of his heat immediately, and he hugs me to him.

“Felix?” he says hoarsely. There’s a question in his voice and all the answers I can’t ask for yet.

I nod, pressing my head against his shoulder. “Yes,” I say, my voice suddenly clear as I push everything away that’s been clouding my head for two and a half long years. “Yes, Max. Please.”

“You don’t ever have to say please.” He clasps my face and smacks a kiss onto my mouth. I think he meant the kiss as a brief punctuation of his words. But “brief” has never happened with us. He kisses me again. And again. Coming back for more until we’re panting and I push him away.

“Not here,” I whisper.

“Come on.”

I take his hand and let him draw me after him. The journey back to the hotel seems almost like a dream. One minute, we’re walking closely together with his arm around me and his scent in my nostrils. The next, he’s opening the door to our room, pushing me through and slamming me against the wall, then kissing me as I start to strip off our clothes.

We fall onto the bed, still