After Felix - Lily Morton Page 0,22

There’s an extended silence, and I groan. “Oh, shut up.”

He puts a hand to his chest. “You wound me, Felix. You really do.”

I lean back in my chair and scrub my hands down my face. “What am I doing?” I say plaintively.

When I pull my hands away and blink up at him, he’s watching me. “Is there a problem with having lunch with him?” he asks softly, and I know I’m going to tell him everything. He’s like a member of my family.

“There’s no problem with him. To him, I’m sure, it’s just a casual thing. You know, ‘Hey, I’m in the area so I might as well swoop over and take Felix out for a sandwich. He’ll make me laugh, and if we eat quickly, he might fit in a blowjob.’”

“So, why is it a problem?” he asks when I fall silent.

“It’s a problem for me because I really don’t think this is casual for me anymore. I think honestly it hasn’t been for a while, Zeb.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s clever and funny and kind. He makes me laugh, and we never run out of things to talk about. I feel… alive when I’m with him. I’m starting to care about him, and he watches out for me too in a funny sort of way.” I hesitate. “He makes me feel safe,” I finally say in a small voice.

There’s a protracted silence as he watches me intently. “And why is any of that a problem?”

“Because I don't do that, Zeb. I never wanted any fucking commitments or a relationship that lasted beyond a bloke removing his dick from my arse. And now look at me.”

“I am looking,” he says kindly. “You’re brilliant, Felix, and maybe this mystery man is seeing this, and that’s why he’s meeting you for lunch. I mean, he seems to ring you a lot. You said he was waiting for you with takeout and a foot rub last night when you were tired.” He shrugs. “People don’t do that for a shag-only arrangement. The arrangement you had seems to me to have morphed into more for him, as well as you. Perhaps he wants that and doesn’t feel able to ask.” A wild hope stirs in my stomach, and it makes me feel sick. “And I’ll never entirely understand why someone who has so much to offer doesn’t want someone who’ll appreciate it,” he carries on. “I think you’d actually enjoy having someone of your own.” He hesitates. “You’re sort of alone in the world, Felix, and having your own person is lovely.” I redden, and he rushes into more words. “But that’s my view. Maybe I’m the one who’s wrong about the benefit of relationships.”

Footsteps sound from outside. There’s a sudden shout of “Zeb!” and Patrick appears in the doorway. I groan. He’s Zeb’s boyfriend and a complete wanker. I know for a fact that he’s been unfaithful a couple of times, and he treats Zeb like shit. But Zeb is the most loyal person I know, and he refuses to hear a bad word said about him.

Zeb walks over to greet him, and I shake my head. “I don’t think there’s any maybe about it if this is the sort of relationship you think I should be hankering after,” I mutter.

“Did you say something, Felix?” Patrick asks. “You’re always saying something,” he mutters sourly.

I grin at him and mouth the word wanker, secure in the knowledge that Zeb can’t see me as he shakes his head reprovingly at his boyfriend.

“Did you need me?” Zeb asks.

Patrick sighs. “Mother’s been on the phone.”

“With her knowledge of witchcraft, I’m permanently amazed she can’t just use mind control,” I mutter.

It’s my turn for a reproving glare from Zeb. “Can you two get along, please?” He sighs, pinching his nose.

“We could,” I say sweetly. “But the root of the matter is if we should.”

Patrick huffs. “I’ve got better things to do today than try to get along with him.”

“What would that be?” I ask sweetly. “Are you getting botox in your saggy scrotum?”

“Okay,” Zeb says quickly as Patrick’s face turns purple. “Let’s go into my office.” The door closes behind them.

My phone rings. “Hello,” I say hurriedly.

“Hey you,” Max says in an affectionate tone. “I’m in Seven Dials. Whereabouts are you?”

“Do you know Neal’s Yard?”

There’s a pause. “I do, actually. I’m standing outside it at the moment. My stepbrother works there.”

“Oh wow, maybe I know him. That would be funny. Where does he work?”

“He owns an employment agency. It’s funny,