non-verbal things. They’ll either push you on things you don’t want to talk about or they’ll veer off and talk about something nonsensical.
Paul: I didn’t know what else to talk about. I’d told her all the basics about myself and she didn’t want to talk about her life. I’ve never been one of those people who can bring up the weather and then end up turning it into some existential conversation that will go on for hours.
Emma: I told him I should probably go – and I meant it. I stood and was genuinely ready to leave – but then I thought about inviting him to my room. It was as if the idea appeared from nowhere.
Paul: She was going to walk away and I figured I wouldn’t get another chance to say something.
Emma: Before I could ask if he wanted to come back to my room, he asked if I wanted to go upstairs. I think he mentioned something about having some amazing local coffee in his room.
Paul: I’d forgotten that I mentioned coffee to her. I panicked, OK?
Emma: I thought about saying ‘no’, even though I almost invited him to my room. I knew he’d find out who I was eventually. I didn’t want to cause trouble for him but, at the same time… it was nice to be wanted.
…
Everyone needs that sometimes, I think. I’d not had that in a long time.
Paul: I was trying to play it cool, but I couldn’t get off that stool fast enough when she said ‘OK’.
Emma: I felt young in that moment. You always see yourself as an eighteen-year-old and then, suddenly, you’re not any longer.
Life just disappears.
I used to go on boozy holidays with my friends when we were teenagers. We’d do shots and fishbowls – and then go back to some lad’s room. There was this moment where I was able to forget about everything that had happened and could be that girl again.
Paul: I couldn’t get the key card to work on my room door.
Emma: We dashed up the stairs because there was a queue for the lift. It was like being tipsy, even though I hadn’t touched a drop. I think I was giggling because he couldn’t get his hotel room door open.
Paul: I was inserting the card the wrong way. That’s not a euphemism.
Emma: When Paul finally got the door open, I remember standing on the threshold, knowing this was my last chance to leave. A part of me wanted to – but a bigger part wanted to follow him inside.
Paul: I only realised later that everything with her dad happened while we were in my room.
Emma: I know that people said I used Paul as an alibi, but it wasn’t like that. Anyone who says differently is a liar.
Chapter Four
Day Two
THE MAD ONE HERE
Emma: It was five or six in the morning and I was heading back into my hotel when I saw the manager coming towards me. We were in reception and he was wearing a suit, which I always thought was a harsh requirement, given the temperatures.
I didn’t think anything of it until he said ‘Ms McGinley’. He struggled with the pronunciation a bit, so I said to call me Emma.
He came right out with: ‘It’s your father’ and it was like walking into a freezer. I couldn’t get out a reply. He added: ‘Your mother was looking for you’ and then said something about the hospital.
I couldn’t take it all in.
I was trying to ask questions, but he said they were waiting for me. He was pointing me towards a car that was parked outside the main doors. I don’t know how long it had been waiting there, but I remember looking between the manager and the car, not knowing what to do. He said: ‘Go!’ and I asked if Dad was alive. He said: ‘I don’t know,’ and then I ran to the car.
Julius: I don’t think Mum had her phone, but, even if she did, there was hardly any reception at the hospital.
Emma: Someone who works at the hotel drove me to the hospital. The roads aren’t very busy anyway – but they were empty at that time of the morning. I tried calling Mum but couldn’t get through. Julius wasn’t answering either.
It’s hard to remember what I was thinking at the time – but I probably assumed he’d had a heart attack. Dad definitely drank too much and he was at that age where you start thinking about that