email so that she could tell me what she thought. She was so happy that I asked if she could upload the three she liked the most onto the website. She’s got a logon, so could access it anywhere. I was assuming she’d taken her laptop.
It’s what she wanted to hear, so it’s what I told her.
Emma: It was good to hear Tina tell me about how the day had gone. There was a woman who wanted to try everything on and then ended up buying nothing. Someone else was going to a 60s-themed party but refused to believe all the things she liked were from a different decade. It sounded like fun.
Tina: It was just another day at work. I closed early because we were quiet.
Emma: I told her I was babysitting Chloe and Amy that night.
Tina: Her mood definitely changed across that phone call. I was surprised that she was going to be looking after the twins. I think I might have said ‘By yourself?’
Emma: She told me I’d do great.
Tina: The biggest concern I had wasn’t anything to do with Emma. If I had a child, I’d have no problem letting Emma look after him or her. It’s not like she’s a danger to children, or even that her judgement should be questioned. Not now, anyway.
My biggest worry was that Julius might be setting her up to fail. If something did go wrong when the girls were in Emma’s care, then it would have been a lot for her to come back from. I only thought that because the relationship she has with her brother is… complex.
Emma: ‘You’ll do great’ were her exact words. I think I needed the pep talk.
Tina: I wouldn’t say they hated each other, certainly not then – but everything is complicated with Emma and her relationships. Things are bound to be when you’ve been through what she has. Things were difficult with her and her dad and probably the same with her brother. I wasn’t sure that Julius had her best interests at heart. Actually, I wasn’t sure that he had anyone’s best interests at heart, other than his own. He has this way of saying the right things, even though he’ll turn around and do the opposite.
I don’t mind being wrong. I hoped I was. I remember telling Emma to be careful, but I wouldn’t have said it like that. I’d have said something like: ‘You’re going to do great – but make sure you’re careful.’ I could hardly tell her to beware of her brother.
…
I don’t think I’ve explained that very well. You’d have to know Emma and Julius to understand. You’d have to see them together. It’s got to be hard when you know your older brother is the favourite child and always will be. If you’re second-best among your own parents, then what sort of message does that give you when you’re growing up? People think Emma’s some spoiled rich girl who threw it all away, but you wouldn’t say that if you knew her.
Emma: I think that was all Tina said.
Tina: I remember telling Emma that I hoped she was OK and that it was great to hear from her. I really meant that…
I hope I haven’t sounded insincere here. I know how it might have come across, but I find it so difficult to talk about Emma. Sometimes I overanalyse the things we talk about, or her reaction to things.
I suppose I just want her to be happy. That makes sense, doesn’t it? She’s the best person I know, but she has a really good way of hiding it.
Chapter Ten
THE UNICORN HEAD
Emma: It was Chloe who answered the hotel room door when I knocked… or at least she said it was Chloe. The girls were wearing identical pink pyjamas and had tied their hair into these topknot ponytails. It was really hard to know for certain who was who.
Julius: Emma was running late, but I didn’t want to ask what was going on. I was trusting her that she hadn’t been drinking, or anything like that. I suppose there was a second where I thought leaving her to look after the girls might not be the best thing – but we’re still family, aren’t we? I wanted her to prove herself.
Emma: Julius left more or less straight away and I suddenly realised this was the first time I’d been alone with a child since before prison. It would have been about three years at that point,