Adept (The Essence Gate War, Book 1) - By Michael Arnquist Page 0,111

to equivocate, swordsman,” Bellimar said with a sad smile. “In truth, I do not know the answer. I have been altered in ways beyond my understanding, and I suspect I am either none or all of those things at this point. My aura was altered in some way every bit as fundamental as when I passed from mortal life and became a vampire. By strict definition, I am not living, dead or undead now. And since I have been each of them at one time or another, I may be in a unique position to know. No, I am in a purgatory all my own.”

He lapsed into silence, and the shadows cast by the sinking flames writhed along the deep lines of his face. When he spoke again, his voice was lower yet, almost inaudible. “I now feel like my quest for this knowledge is––has always been––the final spasm of a dead man, the twitch of limbs that do not realize the spirit has already left the body. I am a hollow shell pursuing a remembered impulse, when the motivation for it is long lost. I no longer know if I seek the knowledge in order to gain release from my constraints, as I once did, or to prevent an accidental reversion to my former self. Perhaps I seek the knowledge simply to put an end to my wretched existence, once and for all.”

Thalya scowled and reached out to brush her fingertips against the black arrow. If he truly desired an end to his existence, she was more than ready to assist. As if reading her mind, Bellimar glanced toward her. The firelight performed a lurid dance in his eyes as he regarded her for an instant with an unreadable expression. Then his gaze slid away.

“Your interest in the unusual auras of others,” Amric was saying. “You hope to find in them the key to your own.”

The old man gave an approving nod. “Very good, swordsman.”

“And your extensive knowledge of them comes in part from your years feeding upon the life force of others, as the monster you were,” the warrior continued in a cold tone.

Bellimar flinched as if struck, and gave an almost imperceptible nod. “Regrettably true as well,” he whispered.

“I have seen your face become flushed when you are in the presence of spilt blood,” Amric pressed. “The farm, the bloodbeasts, the Wyrgens. I mistook it for an aversion to violence, but now I realize it was the strain of controlling your hunger. And what of the night you disappeared, after the fight with the bloodbeasts in the forest?”

Bellimar looked away. “There was so much blood, everywhere. So much of your blood, and Valkarr’s, and it had been so long since I fed….” He raised his eyes, lifted his chin. “I did not trust myself around you in your weakened state. My hunger threatened to overwhelm my imposed constraints and my willpower both, and I was left with only one course.”

Amric studied him over the campfire. “Did you feed that night?”

“No, there was no suitable prey to be found nearby, and I was loath to range beyond earshot for fear of more creatures finding you while I was gone. The forest is tainted to such a degree now that few natural creatures remain within its confines, I fear. I merely kept my distance until I could regain my composure.”

The warrior rubbed at the stubble on his chin, seeming to mull this over. “And yet you returned, to later be exposed to more bloodshed within the fortress of the Wyrgens.”

Bellimar sighed. “You must understand that there are three primary factors that drive my hunger,” he said, raising his hand and beginning to tick off points on his slender fingers. “First, exposure to mortal blood or to a particularly tantalizing life force. Second, heightened emotion such as being in the frenzy of combat or other life-threatening situations. And third, intense physical exertion such as tapping into the unnatural strength I possess as a centuries-old vampire.”

His hand fell to his lap again, and he shook his head with a rueful smile. “It has been no easy thing, warrior, being in your company.”

Amric leaned back, frowning. “I confess that I do not know what to make of you, Bellimar,” he said. “It would seem that you put our lives at risk by your very presence, yet your knowledge has been invaluable and you have given no evidence of wrongdoing in our presence. I am left to wonder if you are truly friend