Ad Nauseam - By C. W. LaSart Page 0,22

thing we need is for Devon to eat that diseased little creature and puke it up on the couch when he’s not in the house.”

“Okay. I’ll look for it tomorrow morning.”

“And take one of your pills,” she added, perching on the arm of the recliner to give him a light hug and kiss before going to bed.

“I’m not depressed.”

***

“Come on, boy! Get the frisbee.” William heaved the plastic disk over Devon’s head but the dog merely watched it fly. Yawning, he stretched out in the grass and stared at William expectantly, as if to say, Cool trick, now go get it.

“Lazy dog.” William laughed and retrieved the Frisbee. He climbed the steps onto the back porch to grab a beer, when something small bounced off his head and rolled across the wood.

“What the hell?” Leaning over to pick it up, he realized it was a pellet of rat poison. Two more pellets hit him and he looked up, just in time for a third to hit his nose. The squirrel was once again perched on the edge of the gutter, pelting him with the poison. The little beast then threw the rest over the edge and screeched at him in indignation.

“Well, I’ll be damned. You little bastard.” William gathered up the remaining pellets and tossed them in the trash can, mindful of Devon eating it. He was halfway amused, but also a bit angry. “That’s it. You’ve got this coming.”

It took a while to find it, but he discovered his son’s old pellet gun tucked away in a dusty box in the garage. William grabbed the ladder once again on his way out. This time the squirrel held his ground on the roof, squawking at the intrusion as William climbed the rungs and braced his elbows on the shingles. He hadn’t fired a gun of any kind in many years and the first pellet went high and wide.

The rodent fled at the sound of the gun, as the next pellet hit it square in the shoulder. It jumped high into the air, squealing and chittering. Expecting the creature to run away, William was surprised when it turned back to him and charged, its large teeth bared.

Hurrying to retreat, William’s foot slipped on the ladder and his chin hit the top rung painfully, causing him to bite his tongue in the process. He scrambled down the ladder and out into the middle of the yard, where Devon waited, yapping.

“That’s right, Devon. You tell him, boy.” William wiped his chin and his hand came away wet with blood. Glancing up at the roof, he couldn’t see the squirrel anymore.

Good. Maybe the little bastard will stay gone now.

***

“What happened to your face?” Kristi moved his hands away as he tried to prevent her from tracing the bandage on his chin.

“I slipped on the ladder and hit my chin. It’s not a big deal.”

“Why in God’s name were you on the ladder?”

“I was shooting that squirrel. The lil’ bugger wouldn’t eat the poison, so I shot him with Max’s pellet gun.” William tried grinning, but it made his chin sting.

“Maybe we should take you in to see the doctor.” Kristi gave him a look of concern.

“I told you I’m fine.” He hated that concerned look more than anything. Even when she was harping on him, something he was used to after decades of marriage, she always had that half-worried look on her face. She acted like he was crazy sometimes, or a child that needed to be reminded of the most basic tasks. William had buried his own mother five years ago, and didn’t need a substitute.

“Did you take your pill?”

“Goddamnit, Kristi! I am not depressed. There’s nothing wrong with me. I got hurt trying to get rid of a squirrel. That’s all. The same damned squirrel you’ve been riding my ass to kill.” William was surprised at the venom in his response. He hadn’t known he was angry until he started yelling.

Kristi stared at him, blinking back tears. Unable to deal with his wife at the moment, he turned and stalked out of the room, hearing the first of her sobs as he walked away.

***

The next morning, William awoke to Devon’s barking outside and the phone ringing on the nightstand. He turned to discover Kristi’s side of the bed was empty.

Must still be miffed from last night. Throwing his legs over the edge of the bed, he sat up and reached for the telephone on the nightstand.

“Hello?”

“Oh thank God, Dad! It took you