An Act of Persuasion - By Stephanie Doyle Page 0,32
premise that he simply wasn’t capable of loving her.
But deep inside, where she was really honest with herself, she knew that picture of Ben wasn’t entirely true. A man didn’t read pregnancy books and make notes in the margins if he didn’t have the capacity for great caring.
So what now really pissed her off was that he couldn’t see it. He couldn’t see what she saw when he looked at her. He couldn’t know what had been shimmering in his eyes when he made love to her that night. Because there had been something there. Something more than desire. She’d seen...need. As though he had needed her so desperately in that moment. Didn’t that mean there had to be something more than sex between them?
But it’s not as though she could tell him. It was something he would have to acknowledge on his own.
That night she thought he had. She’d thought he was ready for what they could be. Except...he hadn’t been. She knew it hurt him when she left. As much as she hurt in those three months away from him, it didn’t give her any satisfaction to know he’d missed her, too.
They reached her apartment and she dropped off her purse and flipped off the sandals she was wearing. Barely into her fourth month and already her feet would swell if she was on them for any length of time. Lord only knew how her ankles would look when she was walking around with a bump the size of beach ball.
Ben set down the books on the coffee table and took the bags to the kitchen. Since he seemed comfortable in her space, she let him gather the plates and silverware. Picking up one of the books, she started to scan through the sections he’d highlighted. The man was crazy for information. He collected it the way some people collected coins. Reading, he said, was always one of the easiest ways to gather it.
She stopped when she saw a picture of a breast in the book. Next to it he’d written, Increased Sensitivity?
The seemingly innocuous question had her squirming and squeezing her legs together. In fact, her nipples and her breasts were more sensitive. If he were to touch them...
Whoa. Enough of that. As hard as leaving him had been, as hard as trying to imagine her future life without him had been, remembering the sex...had been just as hard.
Because she tried to imagine feeling that way with another man someday and it simply would not come. She certainly hadn’t felt that way with boyfriends she’d had before Ben.
There had been that one disaster while she’d been working for him when she tried to make him jealous by dating a hot young guy. Not only had Ben not lifted an eyebrow, but also it turned out Kevin had shown up at the office once to pick her up for their date with no cash in his wallet. He’d actually asked Ben for the money and Ben had given it to him. Needless to say, she’d been mocked ruthlessly for her taste in potential mates.
Poor Kevin. He didn’t stand a chance against what she felt for Ben. Even when she knew it wasn’t working with him and that she was dating him for the wrong reasons, she still tried a last desperate attempt to see if she could somehow use Kevin to get over Ben. Because wouldn’t that show her boss how over him she was?
The sex had been lousy, she felt guilty as hell for using Kevin—although he really didn’t seem to mind—and, in the end, she’d realized how immature she’d been about the whole thing. She’d been playing silly girl games like she was a character on a sitcom. She had no doubt that Ben would have seen right through her scheme.
If he’d bothered to care. Which he hadn’t.
The next day she’d dumped Kevin, who seemed remarkably relieved at the time. It made her realize what a poor job she’d done at attempting to be someone else’s girlfriend when she was so clearly Ben’s...girl. Woman. Assistant. Employee. Devoted, love-sick idiot!
It was some point after that when she’d realized that maybe their relationship would remain the same. She would love him and he would need her and it would be enough.
But then he’d gotten sick and, in his weakness, he’d reached out to her.
Now he was asking questions about her breast sensitivity. After she told him she loved him.