86'd: A Novel - By Dan Fante Page 0,51

collek koinz.”

“So?”

“Dis one iz a 1916. Firss jear minn. Walkin’ Leebertee. Goo condicion too.”

“I know what it is,” I lied. “How about a trade?”

The guy folded his arms across his chest. “Hokay, chitmajn, herez dee deal: Jou get jour stinky, shakin ass to the bahroom ’n’ clean up an when jou come back I giff jou one drink—an one phon call. For dis.”

“Two drinks” I blurted. “Two drinks and you have a deal. Double shots. Deal?”

“Deal,” he snarled. “Now go wass jour ass.”

It took Robert Roller almost an hour to travel the twelve miles from Dav-Ko to the Tanampa Bar and Grill in our brown stretch, Cocoa.

When he walked in he stuffed the hundred dollar bills in cash in my hand, wordlessly eyeing me up and down, shaking his head.

We found my Pontiac where I assumed I’d left it, in the alley behind the rundown apartment house where I’d come too. There were no new dents and it was unlocked. And I was okay now. Feeling much better. Two more sets of doubles at the bar and a quick stop at a liquor store for a pint of Jim Beam had restored the calmness to my brain.

While big Robert sat in the limo I looked inside my car for signs of trouble. There were none. But in the backseat, in a box, I discovered some old clothes and two pairs of shoes I hadn’t yet returned to my closet after the firing episode with David Koffman.

No one was around, so I took off my shirt and shitstained chauffeur’s slacks and replaced them with a pair of jeans, an old warm-up jacket, and tennis shoes.

Telling Robert to wait for me I went back inside the building and walked upstairs to the one-room apartment. I knocked. When no one answered I tried the door. It was still unlocked. Inside I could tell that whoever she was, she had not returned.

I put the set of dentures down next to the plants on the window sill where they could be found, then checked again for anything in the room that might be mine. There wasn’t anything. I’d been picked clean.

I took a long pull from the bottle in my pocket, then went to the door. Above me was the big gold plastic crucifix. A new thought caught my attention and stuck: A choice. An option.

Returning to the window I removed the plants from the sill, then put them down on the floor in the blue puddled water.

Then I unzipped my pants, took out my cock, and pissed in each one.

That done, I picked up the two custom-made bridges and set them down in the mess on the floor next to the whore’s dirty panties. Then I crushed each one with the heel of my shoe.

Back at the door, ready to go, I looked up at the crucifix on the wall. Big Jesus was smiling.

But, as it turned out, I wasn’t done. I wasn’t done at all.

After Robert followed me back to the Dav-Ko office I took seven hundred bucks from the petty-cash drawer, left an IOU, and informed Rosie that I was taking a payroll advance. Then I told her that I was taking a day or two more off, telling her that if David Koffman or anyone else asked, I was using up sick-leave days to attend a weekend AA seminar. Rosie’s expression was blank. “It’s Wednesday,” she said.

“Yeah, well, I’m getting an early start. Is that okay with you?”

“You’re the boss, Bruno.”

“Correct-a-mundo, Ms. Rosie. That I am,” I said smiling.

My favorite porn is anal action. Number two is deep-throat blowjobs with oral cum shots.

At the liquor store I picked up large bottles of Mad Dog 20/20. Mogen David. It had been years since I’d hit “the dog,” but this was a special occasion. I needed to get downtown in my brain and Mad Dog is the best and fastest train there is. After picking up the wine I made a stop at the best X video store in Hollywood, on Santa Monica Boulevard. I rented half a dozen titles that looked promising then drove back to Highland Avenue to an upscale tourist motel against the Hollywood Hills called the DeMille, off Franklin Avenue. I knew the day manager, Russ. He’d been my new pill connection since I moved to Hollywood.

To me Mad Dog and porn in a clean motel is the best vacation a person can take. A spiritual retreat.

twenty-three

I’d never had two blackouts in a row before. Until now. I came