Zenith in Love (Zenith Series #5) - Leanne Davis Page 0,11

formal interactions that left both of them fidgeting nervously and making excuses to get away. No doubt, her parents thought he was odd. He knew they did.

Jim was hyper sensitive to his shortcomings in their eyes, which others might have considered attributes. He invariably retreated into logic when he was with Kathy’s family, which often resulted in them taking what he said too seriously. In his discomfort, he frequently came across as being harsh and judgmental when he was merely trying to make conversation. But with this family, Jim never managed to be successful.

Except with Kayla.

They fought and sparred from the very start. She did not shine a light on his good side or draw out any redeemable personality traits (for he did have some), but she evoked an honesty through his anger and annoyance with her, voicing it bluntly, which he could not do with anyone else. Jim was stiff and awkward with the rest of Kathy’s family but abrasive and confrontational with Kayla. Sometimes he liked to snap at her, taking out what he wanted to do with someone else but for whatever reason, had to refrain. Kayla lived to provoke him. She was a master at pressing buttons. She loved to see people’s reactions, especially Jim’s. He wasn’t wrong about that, and he felt free to react. Perhaps Kayla provided that outlet for him.

Except for this time, Jim was raw and hurting. He felt like he’d been gutted and his innards were left exposed. He needed to take control and realign himself, but he couldn’t find the strength and didn’t have the know-how. Lost and floating, he gazed at Kathy and her family support, thinking how valuable it was right now. For the first time he could remember, he wished they would support him too.

But of course, having never cultivated that kind of emotional reciprocity with anyone, especially not them, he dared not ask for it.

Not even from Kathy.

Jim stayed quiet. His head down, he had no one but himself and no idea what to do. He didn’t know how to respond anymore.

He felt numb or catatonic. How long before that passed? He didn’t know. Staring down at the gray swirls in the linoleum, he wished he were anywhere but there. A hand touched his shoulder, jolting him from the uncomfortable place where he found his dark thoughts.

“Jim?”

Kathy? She came to him. After her family maybe, but at least she came.

He needed to touch someone or something to prove he was still here. Alive. Appreciated. Would anyone have really cared as much if he were the one who got shot? Would they all have cried like they did for Eric? The whole family liked Eric. A lot. Hell, Jim liked Eric a lot. But he did not know how to inspire friendly feelings towards him in others. Not even from his fiancée’s family. Sighing, in his own soul, Jim knew he couldn’t accomplish that.

But Eric could. Jim saw it on Kathy’s face the moment he crashed down.

It only confirmed what he sensed all along.

Grabbing Kathy in a deep, long hug surprised Jim as much as it did her. She became rigid in his arms for a moment, longer than an eager fiancée in love would be. Obviously. He now fully understood that.

“Jim, it’ll be okay.” Her words were soft and meant to comfort him.

But he felt more lost, almost unhinged from the earth and God. That rarely happened. Jim’s faith always carried him through his past crises. Prayer and the right words captured the feeling and connection to his faith that always reassured him. Sometimes, it was the only real connection he had. But it seemed absent now. And that scared him more than anything else.

“Will you come pray with me?” Jim asked, nearly falling to his knees and begging Kathy. He knew it was selfish to ask. The last thing sweet, good Kathy wanted now was to pray with him. No way. She wanted to stay with her family and wait for any news of Eric. Right there to be the first to hear it. Her Eric. The man she truly wanted.

Jim had no words left in his mind. No prayers. He needed his faith more than another breath in that moment. He’d lost the connection… What could he do without it? Where could it have gone? Now, when he needed it more than ever, where was it?

Jim knew she would come with him. Good, decent Kathy couldn’t refuse him. “Of course. Yes, that would help