Before You Ghost - Helena Hunting Page 0,11

the cops thinking about her boob size and ghosts lurking all around her, I was getting scared that I might leave, too. Even if it was the very last thing I wanted to happen.

I reached over and put my hand on her thigh, making a point to squeeze it gently. To reassure her, even though I had no idea what the future held.

Sammi

I was a quiet walker. I snuck up on Evan all the time by mistake because of my light footfalls. Hiking up the trail to Evan’s body with Evan’s ghost was very silent. Ghosts had even softer feet than I did.

He was quiet with his mouth, too. I think we both had trepidation about confronting the reality of his corpse.

As I came upon the scene of our deadly sex, I could overhear the cops talking. It

seemed to be the same three from last night.

“Well, I don’t know how you missed it last night in the dark, but you did.”

“I didn’t even see the nest. Can birds build them overnight? I mean, there’s got to be a baker’s dozen in there.” Michigan was on his hands and knees, looking over the ledge.

I cleared my throat. The cops turned toward me.

“Hello, ma’am. Arrive here okay?” I finally had the sense about me to read his name above his pocket. Corbey.

“What’s going on?”

Michigan had a stack of blue tarps next to his knees. Corbey with the red ears came to stand next to me.

“Well, your boyfriend had the unfortunate luck of landing right near an endangered species bird’s nest. There are only twenty known examples of this branch of bird-dom here in North America.” Corbey couldn’t hold back a grin. “I love birds.”

The pants adjusting cop with the pocket name of Kackley patted Michigan on the back and then headed over.

“We had to call a wildlife rescue to advise us how to proceed. All we’ve found was the penalty for injuring the bird or disturbing a nest—and it was pretty steep. Turns out, these birds have such a unique bird call, scientists are very interested.”

“Fuck you!”

Michigan stood up. “The momma bird didn’t like it, but that body is double tarped.”

“Festering asshole!”

I looked from Evan to the cops, knowing my eyes were owl wide. “Is there an old woman down there?” I pointed to the cliff.

“Shitbag!”

“Oh no. That down there is a Foul-Mouthed Mountain Digit. They are one of the few birds that has vocal abilities and a very pronounced middle claw. Their beaks are turned just so they can hit the ‘s’ sound in the alphabet.”

I had to see it. I was compelled to see it. The bird sounded so human.

I inched closer to the edge. Michigan helpfully held out an elbow. I took it, even though I was pretty skilled at hiking. There was something terrifying about seeing the bird that made this shrewish noise.

I peered over. The first thing I noticed was the blue tarp with lumps underneath it. I had to look at Evan to be sure I still saw the ghost version of him. I did. He was leaning over with me.

Then I saw the bird swivel its head. It looked like the hairy old witch from Sleeping Beauty. And, hand to heaven, it gave me the middle claw while looking me dead in the eyes.

“Fuck you!”

“Oh my gosh.” I gawked at Michigan.

“Right? That oversized chicken enunciates better than some speech pathologists I’ve met.” He had a fondness on his face that was usually reserved for children taking their first steps.

“Turnip dick!”

Kackley was right behind me. “Honestly, the creativity and diction is just fascinating.”

I studied it again. The bird had dingy feathers hanging around its face that looked like unwashed hair. It was hunched over its nest where putrid green eggs peeked out from around its fat bottom.

The bird went from giving me the finger to pointing it at Evan’s body.

“Shart toolbag!”

It was like an evil wizard casting a spell.

I realized what I was looking at just before it happened. Evan’s ghost was no longer next to me. He was standing on the thin ledge with his body. He ghost punched the foul-mouthed mother bird right in its horrible face.

Its head reeled back. I knew Evan could move stuff, but to get off that kind of a punch, he must have been really angry.

The bird extended its wings in response to the blow.

It screeched, “Boner dragon,” at Evan while the cops tried to find the unseen attacker.

“Oh no.” Just as Ghost Evan and the endangered bird started