You Are My Reason - Willow Winters Page 0,6

black hair is oiled over and he’s more than a little overweight. The buttons on his striped shirt are straining to keep it shut.

I can see curiosity in his eyes but just as he opens his mouth to ask something, I don’t know what, I turn to look out the closed window and thank him.

Everything outside is wet and dreary. The people walking by move quickly and a couple only about ten feet away are fighting over an umbrella. It’s a cute little struggle though and the tall man in a navy blue Henley lets the woman win. She’s dressed in formal work clothes, while he’s in casual attire. But as soon as she takes full control of the umbrella, she walks closer to him and he wraps his arm around her waist.

I rip my eyes away and pick at my nails. It’s little things like what I just witnessed that I find unbearable. I bite the inside of my cheek and hold back the bitterness.

Luckily, the driver gets the picture. I’m not in the mood to talk and the cab moves ahead, taking me away from my sanctuary and toward another test.

That’s what these things really are. Tests.

It’s only in this moment that I realize I’m really doing it. I’ve put it off so many times over the last eight months. I’ve given so many excuses for not meeting up with the girls.

Why today? I don’t know. My heart sinks thinking that maybe I’m really getting over my husband’s death.

As much as I want to be the woman I once was, happy and carefree, I don’t want to forget him.

I lay my head back on the headrest and close my eyes, my clutch in my lap. Jace gave it to me last Christmas. I snort at the thought, running my fingers over the smooth, hot pink leather. More like I picked it out and he paid for it.

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. It’s calming riding in a quiet cab at night in the city. The quiet rumble of the engine and the white noise of the rain are a serene mix.

The last day I saw my husband was when we were watching my nephew Everett, so my sister could have a mother-daughter day with Lexi. It’s rare I see my family at all; everyone is so busy with their own lives and my sister is much older than I am… so we’re not exactly close. I still love them though.

The thought of my nephew brings a smile to my face. With sandy blond hair that just barely covers his big blue eyes and a wide smile, you can’t help but smile back at him. He was only a few months old back then. A brand-new life in this world. That’s the way it works, isn’t it? Life and death go hand in hand.

I glance forward out the windshield and give a slight start when we stop far away from Second Avenue where the bar is located; a bit of traffic is holding us up.

The cabby notices my reaction in the rearview mirror and shrugs as he says, “We should be out of it soon.” He’s tense at the wheel, probably expecting me to snap at him, maybe blame him for taking this particular route. More guilt washes over me. I hate spreading negativity simply by being so … gloom and doom with the air surrounding me. I’m not an ice queen, or at least I don’t mean to be.

I give him a soft smile, placing my clutch in the middle seat. “I figured we’d run into something,” I say easily. My voice comes out even and calm. It’s the voice I use with my mother. The kind of tone that says: I’m okay, just tired.

The cabby shifts, making the leather seat grumble and he tries to make small chat.

I nod my head and answer politely, but keep everything short and to the point. I can be accommodating with others and I truly want to do so. I’m tired of being alone and pushing others away. It’s just harder than I thought it would be after how I’ve been since Jace passed.

After a moment of quiet, I look out the window again. The rain’s nearly stopped, and the sidewalks are instantly crowded as a result. The people were always there, waiting under awnings for protection. Not many people like to venture into weather that washes away your makeup and ruins even the best put-together look.

They