Yes & I Love You (Say Everything #1) - Roni Loren Page 0,14
the same thing. You go out hella good anonymously. You don’t talk to anyone. You’re a panic station ghost, Hollyn.”
“Anonymous is the whole point of Miz Poppy,” she said, losing her patience with the conversation. Cal’s intentions were good, but she was not in the mood to be armchair psychoanalyzed. She had Mary Leigh for that. “No one knows who I am so I get the same experience as anyone walking in off the street. I can do a legitimate review.”
“I get that, but it doesn’t have to mean you’re anonymous in your actual life,” he said, words firm but tone gentle. “You said you were going to WorkAround so you could meet rolling stone people, get used to being social, maybe make some friends. This is supposed to be getting you ready for job interviews and working in an office full-time somewhere. Hiding in your office and praying no one talks to you—or worse, leaving all together—is not moving the ball forward.”
“Cal.”
“You know I love you and don’t want you to be stressed out, but the only way you’re going to get over your phobia of talking to people is to talk to them.”
“Oh is that all?” she said, her sarcasm going to eleven. “Wow, so super easy, Dr. Cal. Okay, let me just do that. I never thought of actually talking to people. Genius!”
He groaned. “Don’t try to bitch me away. That doesn’t hella good work on me. All I’m saying is that you don’t need to hide from people. If you’re ticcing out, just tell them, ‘Oh, by the way, I have panic station Tourette’s.’ You’ll be surprised by how cool people can be. We’re not eight years old and on the hella good playground anymore. No one’s going to call you names. People aren’t out to hurt you.”
She winced, the horrible memories trying to leak into her brain like a poisonous fog. She shook her head and popped the top of her drink. “If I tell people, then that’s all they’re going to see. I don’t want to be that ‘chick with the tics.’”
“Holls, you are the chick with the tics. Just like I’m that loud dude who blurts out random words. That doesn’t mean it’s all we are. You’re also rolling stone a great writer, a fantastic reviewer, and a good person. I’m clearly a rock god. We all have our crosses to bear.”
She laughed. “A rock god?”
“Obviously. All I’m saying is give people a chance to not be assholes.” He let out a string of hella goods before clearing his throat. “Worst-case scenario, you come across a few jerks. So what? They don’t deserve your time. But right now you’re panic station rolling stone poisoning the whole lawn, killing all the potential flowers just to avoid a few weeds.”
Hollyn tipped her head back to stare at the water-stained ceiling, hearing the words but having no faith that she could implement them. Cal understood her situation on so many levels. They’d been friends since they’d met in a therapy group when they were kids. But Cal had never had any shyness. Probably because there was no hiding his version of Tourette’s. She’d never had verbal tics beyond some throat-clearing and humming noises. Her twitching muscles could sometimes be hidden with hair covering her face or by turning away or pretending to sneeze. Plus, her mother had plucked her out of school and homeschooled her once the teasing had gotten bad. Cal, on the other hand, had been forced to deal with the schoolyard bullies.
“I hear what you’re saying,” she said finally and took a sip of her drink. “But it’s not that easy. Logically, I know that my coworkers aren’t going to burst out laughing or make fun of me. But my body doesn’t get that message. If I get pulled into conversation with someone, my words just freeze up and I panic. And then I tic out and become even more self-conscious and it’s just a bad cycle.” She sighed. “You should’ve seen me with that guy today. I think my body ran through every horrible face I could make at him. He probably thinks I’m the biggest bitch. Or possibly possessed by the devil. He probably made the sign of the cross when he left my office.”
Cal snorted. “Ah, so you’re into this guy.”
“What?” She straightened and set her drink down on her kitchen table. “I never said that.”
“You hella good don’t have to. I’ve seen how you get when you like a