moved to where Rory and Gavin still knelt by Cormag. Alick and Geordie moved closer together then, blocking her view, and she settled into Conran’s arms with a sigh as he carried her to the keep.
He didn’t berate her the whole way back as Saidh had predicted. But then the situation had changed somewhat and Conran probably didn’t have the breath to berate her as he ran, Evina thought as he charged up the stairs to the keep, bouncing her around in his arms. He didn’t slow once in the keep as she’d expected; instead, he charged across the great hall, hurrying past the group made up of his family and the Sinclairs, and started up the stairs.
“Conran, we have to discuss what to do about—” Aulay began with concern.
“I’ll be right back,” he growled, not slowing.
Evina eyed him warily as he reached the top of the stairs and carried her to her door. Geordie and Alick were still following and Geordie rushed around to open the door for him.
Conran grunted a “Thank ye,” carried Evina inside and kicked the door closed. He then let her legs drop to the floor, turned her to face him and kissed her. It was so not what she’d expected, and Evina was slow to respond. By the time she gathered herself enough to do so, he was lifting his head. That is when the berating began.
“What on earth were ye thinking? Ye ken someone is out to kill ye and yet ye took yerself off to the bailey as if ye’ve no’ a care in the world. Ye put yerself and everyone else in jeopardy with yer thoughtless . . .”
That’s when Evina stopped listening, and lowered her head. She simply couldn’t listen anymore. Her own mind was already saying much the same things. This was her fault. Cormag might die because she’d just had to rebel and disobey the order to stay put with Gavin at the table. The boy had seen barely sixteen years, but might not see another thanks to her. She knew that. Conran didn’t have to tell her.
Aware of a sudden silence, Evina lifted her head and peered at Conran in question. He was standing perfectly still, his eyes closed, she saw, and then he breathed out a sigh and opened his eyes. “I’m sorry, love. I ken ye just had a scare, and berating ye is no helping. I just—”
He paused with surprise when Evina covered his lips with a finger.
“Nay,” she said solemnly. “Ye’re right. If Cormag dies ‘twill be all me fault fer going to the practice field. I was no’ thinking o’ anyone but meself and me wants when I went there. I should ha’e done as ye and Father ordered and stayed at the table until ye returned below.”
Conran frowned at her guilt-ridden voice and shook his head. “Nay, Evi. This isn’t yer fault. Ye’re no’ the one who shot the arrow. But ’twas pure luck that ye were no’ hit by it.”
“No’ lucky fer Cormag though,” she said unhappily.
“Evi,” he began, and then sighed and shook his head. “We will have to talk about this later. The others are waiting below. But ’tis no’ yer fault,” he repeated firmly, and then turned to head for the door. He opened it, and stepped to the side, then frowned and glanced around when he realized she hadn’t followed him. “Are ye no’ coming?”
“Nay. I’m tired,” she said quietly, but the truth was she was ashamed of herself and didn’t want to face the accusing eyes of the others. For surely they must blame her for the danger she’d put everyone into with her little jaunt.
Conran hesitated, but then nodded solemnly. “I’ll send word about Cormag as soon as there is some, and return as soon as I can. In the meantime, why do ye no’ try to rest?”
Evina nodded and walked over to lie down on the bed on her side.
Conran hesitated another moment, but then turned toward the door. “Geordie and Alick are standing guard outside the door. Shout if ye need anything.”
Evina merely watched the door close behind him and then turned her head back to stare at the drapes overhead with a sigh. She felt a complete ass, a selfish monster. And she kept seeing Cormag’s eager face as she’d explained how he should hold the broadsword, and then his crumpled form and the arrow sticking out of his back afterward.
Closing her eyes, she tried to block those images from her