“Not necessarily,” she said. “You can start over and move up faster. You’ve got experience.”
I groaned. “I’m going to be taking a serious job cut. I’m not going to have the same flexibility. I think I might have made a mistake.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “Why do you think it was a mistake?”
“Because I have no income coming in, but I still have bills. I think I was a little too quick on the draw.”
She took a deep breath and crossed her legs, both of her hands resting on her knee. “I think you did what you needed to do in that moment. You were struggling to fit all the pieces of your life together. You made a decision that allowed you to take a giant step back and really evaluate the situation. Now that you’ve had time to settle the stuff with Jace, you see the other problem. You’re a good mom and you were focusing on your son. I think that’s admirable.”
“But?” I said. I sensed a big but coming.
“It isn’t a but,” she said with a laugh. “I think it’s a moment of clarity. You’ve been in survival mode these past couple of weeks and now you can see clearly. You have a good savings to fall back on, but it isn’t sustainable.”
I slowly shook my head. “No, it isn’t.”
“What is your plan?”
“I have no idea,” I said. “I have been thinking a lot about what you said about opening my own business. I want to do that, but I’m not sure I’m quite ready for that.”
“Why not?”
“I’m ready, but right now might not be the best time. My savings is going to have to be used for my living expenses. I wouldn’t have what it takes to start the business.”
“You could do a loan,” she offered.
“I could.”
“But you’re hesitant,” she said.
I nodded. “I am. I’m a big chicken shit. What if I do all this and get the business off the ground while incurring more debt? Then it all falls apart? I would have no savings, no business, and a lot of debt. I would lose my house.”
She held up a hand. “That is a lot of what-ifs. I think you might be getting ahead of yourself.”
I nodded. “You’re right, I am, but I have to. I can’t just jump into this without really thinking about it. I need to have a backup plan just in case.”
“All right, that’s fair. What do you think you need to do right now?”
“Right now?” I said with a laugh. “I’m talking to you. You always have the best advice.”
“Do you regret leaving your job?” she asked.
I thought about it for a second. “I don’t regret leaving my job exactly, but I do wish I would have done it a little differently.”
“How so?”
I shrugged. “I hate that I just up and left. I hate that I didn’t say goodbye to my people. I feel awful about leaving them in the lurch. That wasn’t cool.”
“You want to go back to the job?” she pressed.
She was going to make me say it. “It isn’t that I want to go back to the job that I left. I want to go back to the job I had before he came along.”
“But that ship has sailed. He’s there to stay. Can you work with him? For him?”
I gnawed on my lower lip. “I don’t know. I don’t think I can. His values are so different from mine. Just thinking about working with him again makes me nauseous.”
“But he came to ask you to come back, right?”
I nodded. “He did, but he was just as stubborn as he was before. He’s so damn arrogant. And cocky. He acts like he is a king and we should all bow to him. I’ve been working there for years. We’ve never had a real complaint. We’ve never been investigated. My team was good at their job. Sure, we probably spent more money than we should have on employee relations, but I thought it was a good investment. It kept people happy.”
“I hear you saying there could be some compromise required,” she said.
I gave her a look. “You’re shrinking me.”
She laughed. “Sorry, hazard of the job. I was just trying to point out that you and he might have some things you can compromise on. Maybe you get him to put back one thing and you get the staff to agree to bring their own special creamers or whatever. Make the donuts or treats