The Women Who Ran Away - Sheila O'Flanagan Page 0,54

that’s what you want.’

‘I’m nearly forty and currently single,’ said Deira. ‘Besides, I believed that having a baby wasn’t only for me. It was for both of us.’

‘So you split up over it?’ Grace’s voice was full of sympathy.

‘No,’ replied Deira. ‘I was in baby mode for the best part of a year, but in the end, I got over it. I decided Gavin was right, we didn’t need a child. Even if deep down his daughters still regarded me as the Wicked Witch of the West, they were at least civil around me. Gavin and I were a strong unit. I was happy to live the life we were living. I made my peace with it. Besides,’ she added, ‘at that point Bex, my niece, was in her teens and wanting to come to Dublin all the time, so she spent quite a few weekends with us. Between her and Gavin’s girls, we had plenty of young people around. They were exhausting, to be honest, and maybe they did put me off the idea a bit.’

Grace said nothing.

‘Not entirely,’ conceded Deira. ‘But after they’d gone, Gavin would say to me that if we had a child of our own, they’d be there all week and never go home to someone else.’

‘It’s different with your own.’ Grace thought of Aline, Fionn and Regan. She was happy that all her children were doing their own thing, and grateful that Aline dropped by regularly, while the other two FaceTimed her once a week (at least, since Ken’s funeral; before that it had been less often), but even though she was glad to have time to herself, she sometimes missed the bustle of sharing the house with them. Although she hadn’t raised the subject yet, she was thinking of putting it up for sale, because she didn’t need a four-bed detached home with a long garden. She needed something like Deira had – an easy-to-maintain mews, or an apartment. Something a lot smaller, at any rate, so she wasn’t rattling around like a lost soul.

‘Oh, I know it would have been different if we’d had our own baby,’ said Deira. ‘But I put it out of my mind. I decided it wasn’t for us and I was OK with it.’

‘Did the subject ever come up again?’ asked Grace.

‘Never in the last five years,’ said Deira. ‘We were both very busy. Even if we’d wanted a baby, we didn’t have time for one. That’s what I thought, anyhow.’

‘But?’

‘I also thought Gavin and I were solid together. He was the one who planned this holiday, who wanted us to drive through France with the roof down. He made me think . . .’

Deira broke off again and used another napkin to dry her eyes.

‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m like the fecking Powerscourt Waterfall these days. Anyhow, I was totally confident that we were as happy as it was possible to be. Until six weeks ago, when Gavin came home and told me that he was leaving me.’

‘What! Just like that?’

Deira nodded. ‘He said things had been going wrong for a while. That this wasn’t the life he wanted. I asked what was the life he wanted, seeing as he’d always told me he was living it with me. He said something warmer, more nurturing.’

‘More nurturing!’ exclaimed Grace. ‘For heaven’s sake! Surely he was getting all the nurturing he needed?’

‘You’d think,’ said Deira. ‘Actually what he meant was that he wanted someone who put him first all the time. Someone who wasn’t focused on her career, like me.’

‘Seriously?’

‘I’m obviously the most stupid woman on the planet, but I didn’t even imagine that he was having an affair. Can you call it having an affair when you’re not married to the person you’re living with? Anyway, he was seeing someone else.’

‘I’m so sorry,’ said Grace. ‘That must have been devastating.’

‘What was devastating,’ said Deira carefully, ‘was the fact that she was pregnant with his child.’

Grace’s expression was a mixture of shock and sympathy. Without even thinking, she reached across the table and took Deira’s hand. Deira squeezed it, unable to speak. Other than with Tillie, this was the first time she’d told the entirety of the story to anyone. To Gillian, and all of her acquaintances, she’d merely said that she and Gavin had split up. Gill’s response had been to ask if there was anyone else, and when Deira, unable to lie point blank, had said yes, that Gavin was now living with a new girlfriend, she’d