The Women Who Ran Away - Sheila O'Flanagan Page 0,149
settlement with him about our home. I’ve changed jobs. I’ve . . .’ she glanced up from the mug she’d been staring into as she spoke, ‘I’ve gone to a few counselling sessions, too.’
‘Have they helped?’
‘Yes,’ replied Deira. ‘Everything has helped. There’s no point in me saying that I’m completely OK with all my choices. That I don’t feel that perhaps I’d still like to be a mother eventually, even though I know that every passing day makes it less likely. But it’s not the all-consuming passion it was before. And maybe I’ll stop thinking that way too. I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve got my balance back.’
‘I’m glad,’ said Charlie. ‘And I’m glad you got some help, too.’
‘I don’t expect you to understand completely,’ she said, ‘but it’s really hard making the choices that women have to make. Especially when you suddenly realise that it’s not an abstract thing and you’re actually going to have to make them. It’s a shock when you feel that your own body has betrayed you. It’s still not an excuse for how I treated you, but it’s an explanation of sorts.’
‘I do understand the feeling of being betrayed by your own body,’ said Charlie.
‘Oh God. Of course. I—’
He interrupted her. ‘Have you really been beating yourself up over our last encounter all this time?’
‘Yes.’
He took a deep breath. ‘I went out with a girl once and I told her I loved her and would do anything for her and that she was the most wonderful person in the world. We slept together and the next morning I deleted my name from her contacts before tiptoeing out of her flat and never seeing her again. You did what you did because you wanted what you wanted, Deira. At least you were upfront about it.’
‘All the same . . .’
‘All the same, nothing,’ he said. ‘Yes, I felt used by you. Yes, you wanted to use me. But in the whole realm of casting the first stone, we’re standing side by side. If anything, all that you’ve said shows me how women take on board a whole heap of guilt that they really don’t need to.’
‘Does that mean you’re OK about it?’
‘I was OK about it around twenty-four hours after you’d gone,’ said Charlie. ‘And I wished I hadn’t lost my temper with you, because I thought we got on well and I liked you. But I also knew that you wanted different things out of life than me, so there was no point trying to get in touch with you.’
‘So . . . we’re good?’ asked Deira.
‘Totally good.’
‘And you won’t make me look really stupid in the recording?’
‘Is that what this is about?’ asked Charlie. ‘You’re taking me to coffee because you’re afraid I’ll make you look dumb?’
‘No. But I’m factoring that in.’
‘You’ll be great in it. And whatever I can do to make you look even greater, I will.’
‘Thank you.’
They sat in silence for a moment, then Deira said she’d better be getting back and Charlie agreed that he had a lot of work to do. To make her look wonderful, he added with a smile. She laughed.
They walked out of the coffee shop together. The sun was high in the sky now, reflecting off the water of the dock and dazzling them so that they hurried into the shade.
‘I’ll send the finished product to Rhona as soon as possible,’ said Charlie.
‘Great.’
‘Unless you’d rather see it yourself first.’
She looked at him.
‘In case you want me to make any changes.’
‘There may be some,’ she said.
‘You could come to my place,’ he suggested. ‘Tomorrow? Seven-ish? I could cook.’
‘You can cook?’
‘Amaya taught me. She insisted I needed to learn. She said that I shouldn’t starve when she was busy working. That everyone should know how to look after themselves and that didn’t just mean phoning Deliveroo.’
‘What sort of cooking?’
‘Paella, if you like that,’ he said. ‘My pork steak is also a very acceptable dish. I’m not bad at Dover sole either.’
‘I’ve never cooked any of those,’ she said. ‘When I was with Gavin, it was usually eating out, sending out or sandwiches.’
‘You’ll let me decide, so?’
‘Totally.’
‘I’ll message you my details.’
He took out his phone.
‘It’s a no-strings thing,’ he said. ‘Just two people who know each other getting together.’
‘No strings,’ she agreed.
He nodded and headed down the street away from her.
She turned and walked back to her office.
When she was sitting at her desk, she called Grace.