I think of Livvy and Ed, hear their voices in my head. My throat swells. I swallow some more wine.
thedoctorisin: It must be very nice to have your sons with you.
GrannyLizzie: Anna, it is SO nice. They are back in their old bedrooms and it feels like “old times”.
For the first time in days, I feel relaxed, in charge. Useful, even. Almost like I’m back on East Eighty-Eighth, in my office, helping a patient. Only connect.
I might need this more than Lizzie does.
And so, as the light dims outside and the shadows fade across my ceiling, I chat with a lonely grandmother thousands of miles away. Lizzie loves to cook, she tells me; the boys’ favorite meal is my famous pot roast (not really famous), and she bakes cream cheese brownies every year for the fire department. There used to be a cat—here I tell her about Punch—but now she has a rabbit, a brown girl named Petunia. Though not a film buff, Lizzie likes cooking shows and Game of Thrones. The latter surprises me—pretty gritty.
She talks about Richard, of course. We all miss him very much. He was a teacher, a Methodist deacon, a lover of trains (with a big model set in our cellar), an affectionate parent—a good man.
A good man and a good father. Suddenly Alistair steps into my mind. I shudder, wade deeper into my wineglass.
GrannyLizzie: Hope I’m not boring you . . .
thedoctorisin: Not at all.
I learn that Richard was not only decent but responsible, and managed all the house work: maintenance, electronics (William brought me an “apple TV” I cannot work, Lizzie frets), landscaping, bills. In his absence, explains his widow, I feel overwhelmed. I feel like an old lady.
I drum my fingers atop the mouse. It isn’t exactly the Cotard delusion, but I can propose some quick fixes. Let’s solve this, I tell her—and instantly my blood runs warm, the way it does when I’m walking a patient through a problem.
I take a pencil from the drawer, slash a few words onto a Post-it. At the office I used a Moleskine notebook and a fountain pen. Makes no difference.
Maintenance: See if there’s a local handyman who can visit weekly—can she do that?
GrannyLizzie: There is Martin who works at my church.
thedoctorisin: Great!
Electronics: Most young people are good with computers and TVs. I’m not sure how many teenagers Lizzie knows, but—
GrannyLizzie: The Roberts on my street have a son with an ipad.
thedoctorisin: He’s your man!
Bills (a particular challenge for her, it seems; Paying on line is difficult, too many different user names and pass words): She should Choose consistent and easy-to-remember logins for both—her own name, I suggest, or a child’s, or a loved one’s birthday—but switch out some of the letters for numbers and symbols. W1LL1M, for example.
A pause.
GrannyLizzie: My name would be L1221E
I smile again.
thedoctorisin: That’s catchy!
GrannyLizzie: Laughing Out Loud.
GrannyLizzie: The news said I could be “hacked”, is that something I should worry about??
thedoctorisin: I don’t think anyone will crack your code!
I should hope nobody would, anyway. She’s a septuagenarian in Montana.
Finally, outdoor work: Winters are really really cold here, Lizzie notes, so she’ll need someone to clear snow off the roof, spread rock salt on the front walk, shear icicles from the gutters . . . Even if I am able to go outside, it’s a heck of a lot of work to get ready for winter.
thedoctorisin: Well, let’s hope you’re back in the world by then. But either way, maybe Martin from church could help you. Or kids from the neighborhood. Your students, even. Don’t underestimate the power of $10 an hour!
GrannyLizzie: Yes. Good ideas.
GrannyLizzie: Thank you so much, Doctor Anna. I feel SO much better.
Problem solved. Patient helped. I feel as though I’m glowing. I sip my wine.
And then it’s back to pot roast, and rabbits, and William and Beau.
A light in the Russell parlor. I peek around the side of the desktop screen and see that woman walk into the room. I haven’t thought about her for more than an hour, I realize. My session with Lizzie is doing me good.
GrannyLizzie: William is back with shopping. He better have bought the donuts I asked for!
GrannyLizzie: I have to go stop him from eating them.
thedoctorisin: Please do!
GrannyLizzie: Have you been able to go outside yet, btw?
btw. She’s learning Internet slang.
I splay my fingers, fan them over the keyboard. Yes, I’ve been able to go outside. Twice, in fact.