I say, and go back in the house. I am sure Gram doesn’t want my mother and me watching as she maneuvers the three front steps.
I kiss Gram on the cheek once she is safely inside. “What’s up with you?” I say.
She smiles at my informal speech, as I knew she would. Then she looks me over. I haven’t been to see her for a few weeks. She nods at my sundress, then turns her attention to my face. Her eyes scour mine. This is the kind of attention Gram used to show me on a regular basis, before she became preoccupied, first with Gracie’s baby and then with her own health after her fall. It makes me realize how much I have missed being truly seen.
I am not surprised when her response to the once-over is to ask, “How’s school?”
“School’s school,” I say.
“And your classes at the hospital with Gracie?”
“Good.”
“Good.”
“I miss being in the hospital on a daily basis,” Nurse Ballen says. “The hustle and bustle.”
Gram nods in Nurse Ballen’s direction. She says, “You’ll be back there soon enough.”
Her tone is light, and strangely intimate, as if she and this nurse already have inside jokes and shared inferences. Could Gram possibly be joking about her death? All of this seems unlikely, as Gram isn’t a joker and it’s not like her to take the time to get to know someone outside of the family. Even within the family, she has her favorites, her own hierarchy of those deserving attention.
As if she hears my thoughts, Gram says, “I’m so glad you are doing this for your sister, Lila. She’s always needed more help than you.”
I know I made it look that way. But it wasn’t true. It isn’t true.
My mother’s voice rings out from the kitchen. “Lila, did you ask everyone what they would like to drink? Tell them we have wine, lemonade, iced tea, Crystal Light, and sodas.”
I look at Gram and Nurse Ballen. Gram is seated in the big armchair that used to be Papa’s. Nurse Ballen and I are both standing. I say, “We have wine, lemonade, iced tea, Crystal Light, and sodas.”
They both request lemonade, and I head into the kitchen. By the time I walk back out, Meggy and Angel are here. Then, a moment later, Theresa and Mary pull up. I watch each of the women bend down over the sides of the old armchair and kiss Gram. My aunts have dark circles under their eyes and the look of women who only had time to blow-dry part of their hair that morning. I walk to and from the window and watch the street outside.
Meggy says, “Dina was sorry she couldn’t make it today.”
Mary arranges herself into a cross-legged position on the couch and then gives an uncharacteristic laugh. “Yeah, she’d rather be here than in Sunday double detention.”
I look my cousin over. There is something different about her appearance, but it takes me a minute to pick out what it is. She is only wearing one tiny cross instead of her usual three heavy ones. I wonder if Mary is lightening up.
Theresa says, “Has anyone talked to Ryan today? We should stop in and visit him on the way home.”
“That place is crawling with weirdos,” Meggy says. “There was an old man who introduced himself as Dr. Kevorkian when I visited. It’s not somewhere I want to spend a lot of time.”
“Your brother is getting help there,” Gram says. “He’s making friends, which is something he never had, not even as a little boy. The Lord works in mysterious ways.”
This shuts everyone up. I swipe a carrot stick through the onion dip and stick it in my mouth. I watch Mary untangle herself from her cross-legged position on the couch. She puts a cracker, some cheese, and a few olives on a napkin and then curls back up in her corner.
My mother calls out from the kitchen, “Gracie should be here any minute.”
Meggy says, “You let her drive here by herself? Shouldn’t someone have picked her up? It’s not exactly safe to be behind the wheel in your ninth month.”
“That’s true,” Angel says. “The belly is too close to the steering wheel at that stage.”
Theresa says, “Jack never let me drive when I was pregnant. He forbade it.”
“Sure, when he was home,” Meggy says. “But what about when he was out God knows where doing God knows what and you had to get to the supermarket?”