keep an eye on her but she disappeared. Fell off the face of the world.’
He paused for a moment, looking intently at my face. I had no idea what I looked like. Inside I was like a computer going into overload, flitting about without pattern, trying to assimilate everything that was going on, getting more and more battered by every sentence he spoke.
He cleared his throat and removed an invisible piece of lint from his knee. ‘Of course, we had feelers out for years. But wherever she was, your mother had done a good job of blending in. She’d become virtually invisible. And she hadn’t squealed so we pretty much guessed she wasn’t going to.’
I managed to move my hands and ran my fingers through my hair. I wanted to say something. To protest about the way he talked about Mum. But again, I found I couldn’t make a sound. Although I was stunned to the core, at the same time, part of me was wordlessly assimilating the information.
‘Over the years the threat downgraded and faded to some extent. Didn’t seem too much of a priority, other than the fact that you were a walking DNA sample.
‘Then one of our guys turned up a picture of you in some magazine. I mean, there was a different name on it but Robert could see you were the spit of your mother. You have the Cutt eyes. I saw the resemblance as soon as you walked in the office door.’
Felix tossed his hair up. ‘Unfortunate profession you’re in. Journalism. Couldn’t have picked a worse occupation really. Maybe law.’ He weighed up the two for a moment as lightly as one might consider whether to buy apples or pears. ‘Nah, journalism is what got you going.’ His grey eyes glimmered with malice. ‘We monitored the situation for a good while. When your mother’s health deteriorated and Robert’s public profile was getting knocked about a bit we had to move in. And get that boyfriend of hers sorted too. Wondered if she’d told him something.’
A flash of Dan’s beardy deranged face whizzed onto my mental screen. Was he telling me that he, that Cutt, had been responsible for Dan’s descent into mental illness? I wanted to swear but I was still too traumatised to organise my vocal cords.
‘But,’ Felix shook his head and tutted, ‘your obsession with the witches meant it was only a matter of time before you hit upon Robert. Or that Mummy dear blabbed. We assumed that she hadn’t told you. There had been no paternity suit – and who wants to find out they’re a rape baby? But if Rose Walker was soon to kick the bucket, she might start confessing. And the cat could simply not be let out of the bag. Too close for comfort, you see. Our hand was forced. It’s nothing personal.’
I could hear my breathing coming fast and irregular. My body was shaking as if I was starting to have a fit. I tried to speak again but instead a sob came out. I swallowed loudly then gagged. The action cleared out some of the confusion and I was able to force out a question. ‘But what have you been looking for? My birth certificate?’
Felix pushed my shoulder in a foppish, almost camp, manner. ‘Don’t be silly.’ My back was so stiff it hit the bench and ricocheted off again. The movement galvanised me somewhat and I squeezed backwards along the bench, away from him. For now I was starting to sense danger in the air. A quickening of energy.
‘Everything’s digital now, my dear. We’ve seen your “Father Unknown”. No, it was more an inkling, so to speak. Robert wanted to make sure there was no paper trail. Apparently your mother used to keep a diary as a teenager.’
I sniffed. ‘Never saw her write one.’
‘No. We concluded that she hadn’t kept it or had most likely disposed of it. Took a while but better to be safe than sorry, eh?’
I wasn’t sure if I was crying. My cheeks were wet and my hair had fallen across my face. I wiped it back with the sleeve of my coat. ‘So what do you want?’ The words came out roughly, hurting my throat.
Another big sigh from Felix, this time tinged with irritation. ‘We want you to go away.’
He bent over to grab something dark underneath the bench. It was heavy. He grunted at the exertion and brought the object up onto his lap. It was a briefcase.