us, which wasn’t reassuring. “Jesus, all the same,” I said. “Poor Dominic. Whatever was going on in his head, I wish he’d found a better way to deal with it. He was a good guy.” And waited.
A small pause. “You think?”
I wondered if Dominic had hooked up with her and then dumped her—she had been pretty, in a fragile skittery way, wide blue eyes that could barely hold yours for a moment before her head ducked away with a delicate flick that I had found very sexy. Or— “Well, yeah. I mean, he wasn’t a saint, but I don’t remember having any problems with him.”
“No, I know you guys were friends. Just, I thought . . .”
“What?”
“Never mind. It’s been so long, I’ve probably got it all mixed up.”
What? “Look,” I said—quieter, little bit unsure, little bit vulnerable. “I should probably tell you something. I had an accident a couple of months back; I took a pretty bad bang on the head. Ever since then, my memory’s not . . . I mean, there’s stuff that I should remember, but I don’t.”
“Oh, God.” Faye’s voice had changed, gone all shocked and compassionate; I had her. “I’m really sorry. Are you OK?”
“Basically, yeah. The doctors say it’ll sort itself out, but till then, it’s kind of scary, you know? Just . . . if I’m forgetting something, help me out. Because I really don’t—I mean, this isn’t the kind of situation where you want to be in the dark. And I’m pretty lost here.”
I threw in all the heartfelt stumbling appeal I could, and it worked. “I just got the impression Dominic had been a bit of a bastard to your cousins. Is all. And I assumed you wouldn’t be happy about it. But I don’t know the ins and outs, maybe you—”
“A bastard to my cousins? Like how?” And when she didn’t answer: “Faye, I really need a hand. I don’t want to put my foot in it with Susanna or Leon—never mind the detectives. Please.”
“I don’t remember the details. Honestly. I had a lot of stuff of my own going on, that year.”
Softening my voice, a note of pain: “I know you did. I wish I’d been more help. I really wanted to be, but I didn’t know how, so I just froze up. Teenage guys are idiots.”
“Ah, no, you were fine. I’m just saying, I should have been paying more attention to Susanna’s issues—specially when she was being so kind, letting me come over all the time; it’s not like we were best friends or anything, just that your house was closest and your uncle didn’t really stick his nose in the way someone’s parents would have . . . But I was so wrapped up in my own problems, you know? I just have this vague memory of Dominic giving them hassle. I thought he hit Leon, or something? And Susanna was upset? But like I said, I could have it all wrong—” The male voice in the background, asking some question. “Toby, I’ve got to go. Ring me any time if there’s anything else I might know. OK?”
Under all the new composure and cheer and whatever else, she was still the same Faye. She totally meant it, but within half an hour she would have forgotten all about me, which was fine with me. “I will,” I said. “Thanks a million, Faye. You’re a star—as always. And you sound like you’re doing great. It’s good to hear.”
“I am, yeah. Thanks. And I hope you feel better soon.”
My hands were shaking so hard that it took me three tries to get my phone into my jeans pocket. I had never done anything like this before. The cunning maverick striking out on his lone enterprise had never been my thing; I had always been happy to drift along in someone else’s wake, joining in on whatever looked interesting and leaving the rest alone. It felt strange enough doing this to begin with, but I’d been unprepared for how well I would make it work, or for how good it would feel. And what made it even murkier and more confusing was how much of myself it had brought back: my old ease, my old charm, my old persuasiveness, but transformed in fundamental ways, strange distorted flashes reflected through a dark mirror.
I could have used a Xanax, but I needed my head clear. I lit a cigarette and took a very deep drag instead. A blackbird stopped pecking at