Wings of the Wicked - By Courtney Allison Moulton Page 0,88

we don’t have a body for the police to find. Your father would have been a suspect anyway. This was the most logical and safest solution for you.”

I glared at him. “My real dad was a good man, Will. He is a victim in this, and now the whole world thinks he’s a monster. He was never a monster. A monster is what killed him, and now my family and I will have to live with this lie for the rest of our lives!”

I took a deep breath to erase the anger from my voice. “I’m sorry that I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you or Nathaniel. I didn’t know that it was you trying to hold me back.”

“You weren’t trying to kill me,” Will said. “You were defending yourself and your mother.”

“Whether I tried to kill you or not, I almost did. I can’t let that happen again. I feel like every slightest emotion that I have is about to send me over the edge. Everything is so magnified. I can’t handle myself. I’m dangerous, and you know it.”

“You can handle this.”

“I heard you guys talking when Nathaniel had me under. That I’d never gotten that bad before. That my … eyes had changed. Nathaniel said that I—Gabriel—knew that if I became dangerous—”

“No.”

“—that you would have to—”

“Ellie, that’s out of the question.”

“But I’ll come back,” I assured him. “You are the only one who is strong enough to defend yourself against me. If I might hurt someone else, someone who isn’t as strong as you, then this may be the only answer.”

“No,” he repeated firmly, his jaw clenching as he shook his head and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “No. I won’t. Not ever.”

“You may not have a choice.”

“You can’t ask me to do that. Ask me anything else, anything but that. I would let you kill me first.”

I watched him sadly, unable to think about losing him, no matter how angry I was or how much my heart hurt. Every one of my Guardians before Will had been killed in battle, and now I remembered each one of their deaths like a knife to my heart.

“Something happened to me that night that I didn’t tell you about,” I said, my voice breaking. “When I lost it, everything came rushing back to me all at once. I remember everything. I’ve spent five hundred years with you, and I remember them all.”

He laid his hand over mine and held it. I forced myself to take back my hand, but the movement was unbearably difficult. Bastian’s face flashed across my mind, and then Merodach and Kelaeno invaded behind him. I couldn’t face them without Will. I couldn’t save the world on my own.

“I’m going out with Kate tomorrow,” I said. “Afterward we will go patrolling. But I need to feel happy at least once before I launch into Terminator mode and go after Bastian. I’m going to kill them all.”

“I’ll never leave your side.”

“I need you there. But I need you to be just my Guardian right now. Nothing more.”

“Anything for you.”

I looked over to where he sat, but he had vanished.

Just after six the next evening, I stared into the bathroom mirror. My phone sat untouched next to my hand on the counter, waiting for me to call Kate. I could pull this off tonight. Nobody would be paying attention to me. No one even cared.

There was a soft knock on the door.

“Come in,” I called.

Nana emerged with Bluebelle on her heels. The cat made an ugly meow as he darted through the door. Once in the bathroom, he gave an irritated shake and sauntered around, as if surveying his territory. He started toward me to rub against my leg, but I didn’t reach for him. I knew it would have been a better idea—and possibly less painful—to hug a cactus than to touch Bluebelle.

“How are you doing, honey?” Nana asked, her voice gentle and her gaze studying my face. “Since you’re likely not putting on that mascara just to go to bed, I’m assuming you’re still meeting your friends at the bowling alley.”

I pulled my blush compact and powder brush out of my makeup bag, holding the items hesitantly between my fingers. “Yeah. As long as it’s okay with you.”

Her eyes met mine in the mirror. “I’m glad you’re going. You need to get out and be yourself again.”

And that was just it. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was Ellie, but I was also