Wings of the Wicked - By Courtney Allison Moulton Page 0,45

he would finally break.

I took a step back from him, and he let me go without protest. I didn’t look away from him until I was inside the bathroom. The door shut behind me and I locked it. My back hit the wall, and I slid to the floor and cried. I heard his fist pound once on the wall in anger, just outside the room. I didn’t want to end the night crying on the bathroom floor. It was so hard for me to see him every day and want him so badly, but yet again I had forgotten about how much it hurt him to feel the same way. It was so painful for us to be apart, but I didn’t know if either of us was strong enough to be together.

13

ON THE WAY HOME, WILL AND I SAID NOTHING TO each other, and I was glad for it. I parked in my driveway and shut the car off. Neither of us moved to get out, and my muscles just wouldn’t listen to my brain. I felt naked, silly, and ridiculous in this tiny dress and painful high heels, with all my makeup washed off my face. I pulled my hair out of its updo and shook it loose to cover my shoulders. It was barely midnight, but I felt like I’d been awake for days.

I opened my mouth to stay something to Will and turned to him, but he’d vanished from the car. Disappointment made me unwilling to move, but I forced the car door open and climbed out. As I went inside, I got a text from Kate. My battery was almost dead, but I read the text quickly.

Love u

I smiled weakly at it before dropping my phone back into my bag. I heard the TV on in the living room, so I doubled back, opting to go through the kitchen to avoid my parents, but I was too late.

“Ellie Bean?” called my mom’s voice. “Home already?”

I let out a long breath and went into the living room to face her. Thankfully, my dad was nowhere in sight. She was sitting on the couch with just the quiet glow of the television on her form and a mug of hot tea in her hand.

“Hey, Mom,” I said.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” she asked, holding her arms out as a cue for me to come sit with her.

I plopped beside her, and she set down her mug to wrap me in her arms and hold me close. I sank deep into her, finding peace in the warmth and softness of her robe and pajamas. A couple of leftover Christmas candles were lit on the mantel above the fireplace, and their rich scents flooded the room.

“The night ended not so great,” I said with a sigh, and laid my head down in her lap.

She stroked my hair gently, the way she used to when I was a little girl. “I’m sorry, Ell. You look so pretty in your dress.”

“Thanks.”

She paused. “Was Will there?”

“Yeah.”

“Was he rude to you?”

“No,” I said. “No, not at all. Things are just … complicated between us.”

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not tonight. What are you watching?” I looked at the TV screen for the first time and watched thousands of shimmering silver fish move in unison in front of the camera. Their perfection was beautiful, the symmetry of their movement almost hypnotic. I stared at the screen from my horizontal position, listening to a soft piano play as the fish danced their ballet lit by the sunlight filtering through the blue water. My mother’s hands brushed my cheek and my hair, gentle like feathers, and I felt like a little girl again, comforted by her touch.

“I love you, Mom,” I said softly.

“Love you, too, baby.”

I fell quiet again and gazed up at the TV as a diver floated into the wall of silver scales and fins. I let myself drift into senselessness, trying to forget how heartsick I was, to forget how to feel anything at all. The swarm of fish pushed away from the faceless diver and began to spiral around his body like spinning stars.

Will was sitting on my bed when I got to my room. He’d discarded his long-sleeved shirt and had on just his jeans and T-shirt. He looked up as I entered, and our eyes met for a moment. I sat down to his right side on the bed and reached up a hand to smooth out his disheveled hair, and my