Wings of the Walker - CoraLee June Page 0,405

wanted to end the conversation, but I wasn’t willing to give up just yet.

“You and Cy have a bad habit of trying to control everything around you.”

“Cy’s methods of control are more deadly than mine.”

I looked at Maverick and scoffed. His red-rimmed eyes and pale skin indicated that he was so focused on finding a cure that he was neglecting himself again.

“Your addiction to control is just as dangerous. The only difference is, instead of hurting everyone else, you just hurt yourself.”

Maverick dropped his work and stood. Here it came, the blow up. The fall out. Maverick was mad and soon enough he’d go running back to Cyler to complain about me.

“I hurt others, too, Jules,” he said in an agonizing tone as his eyes drifted to the floor of the Clinic. I scrunched my brow down. Well this was different.

“I care because I knew. I knew Dad was sick and I didn’t stop him, Jules. I let him waltz into town. I let Mom run to him.”

I felt too hollow to experience the pain his words should have inflicted. I simply looked at my tortured brother. The grief and guilt completely broke him. I knew he was hurting, we all were, but I had no idea that he was carrying around this much pain.

Tears filled my eyes as I realized that his guilt would always stop us from being a family. No amount of redemption or forgiveness was enough to cover this amount of distance and blame. The world was against us. Our past was against us.

“I don’t know what to say, Maverick. I feel like no matter what, you’re still going to suffer. If you’re looking for peace, you won’t find it with me. I’m too fucked up for that. Please talk to Cyler.”

I left Maverick in the Clinic. There was no fight. No confrontation or solution. We didn’t cry and hug it out. I saw him suffering, and I left because I didn’t know how to handle it. Maverick needed someone to dig into his soul and bring the light out, and I knew that person wasn’t me.

As I walked down the street, still processing my feelings about Maverick and Cyler, I saw a familiar figure standing on the corner by the general store. Tallis.

“Did you have a good night, Agapimenos?” he asked with uncertainty, the weight of our earlier conversation still plaguing us as he shuffled his feet and pulled away slightly.

“I did,” I replied. I felt trapped between his pure stare and my desire to flee. I wasn’t ready for this conversation. All of the events of tonight were still too raw. “Look, I’m pretty self-destructive when backed into a corner, but I don’t want that with you, ok? Can you wait a little longer? Today was…hard,” I rushed out, my feet practically bouncing with the desire to run before he could lock me out.

“Of course. You know where I’ll be,” he said before grabbing his elbow and heading towards the Scavenger camp. The selfish and needy part of me was sad that he didn’t offer to walk me home, but I knew he was just giving me what I asked for—space.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” I asked as he walked away.

“Sometimes a mind needs more time to accept what a heart already knows,” Tallis said softly. I could barely hear him as he walked away. “My heart keeps bringing me to wherever you are, Agapimenos.”

Chapter Fifteen

I bottled up my grief and let it simmer for two days. Despite Tallis' sweet words of reassurance, I wasn't ready to go back and confront what I was feeling. I received dirty looks from the Walker women in the Gardens for missing a day of work. Despite resting for a good reason, they still saw me as the spoiled Mistress Black, Cyler's baby sister and irresponsible nuisance. I made sure to wear my most exquisite dresses to work, just to prove them right.

I almost wanted Tallis to come for me. I wanted to know that I was worth the chase, but he put the decision in my hands, and now I wasn't sure what to do. Could I risk telling the world about us and risk losing him to my past?

On the third day, I felt zero motivation to get through my work. My life lacked purpose, without my evenings tutoring the Scavengers, I simply moseyed through the hot days in the Garden.

After lunch, I looked up from my row of wheat and was surprised to find