what I did while I was sick. My doc says one way to do that is to try and earn forgiveness from those I’ve wronged.” Her eyes had filled as she looked down at her hands. “You probably don’t believe me, Will, but I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive myself for leavin’ Katie like I did. I can’t explain the way my depression impacted my thinking. There were days when I was worried I would hurt one of us. I was desperate to save her from me.”
Between the tears shining in her eyes and the pain in her voice, he had found it hard not to empathize with her at least a little. He grabbed the box of tissues from one of the end tables and stood to hand it to her.
She sniffled and took one. “Thanks.”
“I’m sorry to hear that you struggled so much,” he said. “But why didn’t you leave her with your family?”
His phone had chosen that moment to ring. It was Sharon, and he couldn’t miss the opportunity to talk to his attorney with her time being so limited. He’d had to excuse himself to take the call in the guest room.
He talked to Sharon for close to fifteen minutes, sharing what he knew about Carol Ann and the situation as it stood. She assured him she would review everything from their previous legal proceedings to make sure there were no loopholes Carol Ann could try to take advantage of, but said he should feel confident his custody was secure.
It was the slight glimmer of a chance that it wasn’t secure that now had him pressing his thumb and forefinger to his eyes and fighting the exhaustion that wanted to overtake him. The physical and mental strain was taking its toll.
He shook it off, unwilling to leave Carol Ann alone in his home any longer than necessary, security or no security. Tucking his phone back into his pocket, he headed back out to the family room. He frowned and came to a halt when he noticed that the interior of the house had gotten darker.
“Why did you close the curtains?” he asked.
“I thought I saw someone back there.” She shivered and rubbed her upper arms. “It totally creeped me out. No offense, but I don’t think I’d be okay livin’ with all those paparazzi around.”
His gaze moved to the open bottle of beer beside her as he sat back down. “Sure made yourself right at home, didn’t you?”
Her cheeks pinkened. “I’m sorry for presumin’. I’ll pay you for it. I’m just so nervous. I hoped it might take the edge off a little.”
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, though he questioned the wisdom of someone with depression drinking anything alcoholic. “Where were we before I had to take that call?”
“You asked why I didn’t leave Katie with my family.” She lifted the beer and took a drink. After she swallowed, she answered, “There were two reasons. The first was that I’d been followin’ your career. I knew you were in a better place financially than anyone in my family could ever be. The second was that I just couldn’t have her anywhere near me.”
When he didn’t reply, she fiddled with the beer’s label and said, “You see why this is so hard for me to talk about, right? I look back at those decisions and I’m filled with shame. It was like my body had been taken over by a—well, an alien or something. You must think I sound ridiculous.”
“I can’t pretend to understand the complexities of mental illness,” he said carefully. “I believe you were going through a difficult time.”
She looked at him with hope-filled eyes.
“But I’m not sure you’re going to get whatever closure you’re seeking from me.”
The hope died. “You mean you can’t forgive me for leavin’ Katie with you?”
“I thank God every day that you left Katie with me,” he said in a level tone. “But I can’t forgive you for leaving her alone in the dark on a freezing cold porch with a note pinned to her sweater that said you were done dealing with her.”
Her face lost a shade of color. More tears gleamed in her eyes.
“All you had to do was call me, Carol Ann.”
Her tears fell in earnest then. “You’re right. I wasn’t thinkin’ clearly. I was in such a dark place. You have no idea. I was desperate.”
And he was suddenly desperate to have her gone.
“It couldn’t have been easy to share those things with me,”