was. She considered it a small price to pay for love.
But love and lies do not mix well.
53
MIYOUNG HATED HOSPITALS. The ill and the dying seeped gi like a crack in a dam. And right now the temptation to take a taste was too great.
She kept her head lowered and walked down the hall, her footsteps a quick staccato.
“What are you doing here?”
Miyoung winced at the hard voice and lifted her eyes to meet Somin’s.
“I’m—” She broke off, unsure what was better, the truth or a lie. Somin’s eyes bore into her like she was waiting for Miyoung to reveal some nefarious plan.
“I asked her to come,” Jihoon said, walking up the hallway. “And you’re late.” He directed this statement to Miyoung.
“Why would you have her come here?” Somin asked.
“Somin-ah, you’re the one who told me to call her.”
Miyoung raised her brows in surprise.
The other girl cast a furious look at Jihoon and said in a harsh whisper, “I said to call her for closure.”
“I came back on my own,” Miyoung said, annoyed at being talked about like she wasn’t right there.
“Well, then, you can leave on your own. You’ve done it before.” Somin gave Miyoung a hard glare.
“Somin-ah, it’s getting late,” Jihoon said.
“So?” The girl crossed her arms stubbornly.
“I’m fine,” Jihoon said. “You said I needed closure. Let me get it on my own terms.”
This seemed to break through Somin’s stubbornness. “Call me if you need me.”
“Always.” Jihoon gave her a hug, and even though Miyoung knew better, she felt jealousy stab through her at the easy affection between the two friends.
Once she was gone, Jihoon gave Miyoung a raised brow, then walked into his halmeoni’s room.
She sighed. It seemed there would be no pleasantries traded, just right down to business.
The room was dark with the shades drawn. And the second bed was empty, though Miyoung was sure in the overcrowded hospital that wouldn’t last long.
Miyoung took out supplies that she’d purchased at a shaman shop. Not Nara’s, and to be honest, she wasn’t sure if this place had even been legit. But as she pulled out a yellow bujeok, it sparked against her skin.
“What do you plan to do with that?”
“It’s not for her, it’s for me,” Miyoung said. The talisman made her skin itch, but it was meant to lower her shields, make her weak. She hoped it would allow her to sift the loose gi she’d felt all over the hospital into Halmeoni.
“To be honest, I’ve never done something like this before.” Miyoung lit the incense.
Jihoon watched her carefully over the flame of the lighter. “I’m trusting you here. Against my better judgment.”
“I know.” She lowered her eyes, unable to meet his anymore.
Then she took Halmeoni’s hand and held the bujeok in the other. She opened herself to Halmeoni, searching for her gi. It was even weaker than the last time. A low-burning ember.
She was afraid to touch it. Afraid the taste of it would make the raging beast of her hunger rise up. So instead she tried to find a way to connect that wasn’t through Halmeoni’s energy.
Poor child. The voice was a whisper; there, then gone like a call on the wind.
She strained herself toward it. The sound of it had felt so warm, so familiar.
Forgive yourself.
She frowned at that.
Miyoung didn’t have time to wonder if her mind was playing tricks on her; she could already feel her tenuous hold on Halmeoni’s gi wavering. She tried to sift the gi from the sick and the dying into her. It resisted her hold, like a dozen slippery snakes slithering through her hands.
She drove her own energy out, trying to seek the evasive gi sliding through the hospital.
No, not this way, the voice in her head said. I don’t want to live at the expense of others.
The voice was distant but she could place it now.
Halmeoni? Miyoung gasped in her mind. And her voice echoed as if she were in a dream.
Let go, child. And then she felt like she was tumbling down, down, down. A drop that felt never-ending. Until she could see without opening her eyes. A light so blinding it filled her mind.
Please, let me help you. I need to do this, for Jihoon! Miyoung pleaded.
You don’t need to do this to earn his forgiveness. Halmeoni’s voice sounded kind, understanding, and it broke Miyoung’s heart.
When he finds out what I did . . . Miyoung couldn’t finish the thought.
You don’t need to tell him. You only need to love him.