chair against the desk behind her. She glared at Jihoon, her eyes dark, unreadable. Then she swung past him and out of the room.
24
MIYOUNG SHIVERED AS an early winter wind swept into her jacket. She sat on the steps beside the sports field, watching the kids who braved the cold to play soccer. The cold was a weirdly effective tool against the ghosts that still swung in and out of her peripheral vision. Like it slowed them down. She shoved her hand into her pocket and wrapped her fist around the talisman she’d bought from Junu. It helped ease the incessant buzzing in her ears.
She didn’t even glance up as Jihoon sat. He pulled out a banana milk and held it toward her.
Miyoung looked at it with a frown, feeling a sense of déjà vu from when he offered her a pair of headphones.
“I have two. It’s a waste if you don’t drink one,” Jihoon said.
She tried to reject it, but he wrapped her hands around the banana milk, holding them cupped between his. The warmth of his palms seeped into her cold skin.
She carefully took the bottle and watched Jihoon warily as he picked up his own.
“Are you going to finally tell me what’s wrong?”
“I’m not used to trusting people with my secrets.”
“Well, I know most of them already.” Jihoon shrugged. “Seems like we could ignore that, or you could just take advantage of a willing listener.”
He was right. Jihoon knew more than anyone, even Yena. “It’s my bead,” Miyoung confessed. “Ever since that night, I’ve been getting sicker. And when I tried to fix it, things got worse. The men I’ve taken gi from.” For some reason she couldn’t say killed. “They’ve come back to haunt me. I always thought if I ever died I’d be faced with them, but they’ve come calling early.”
“Died?” Jihoon asked. “I thought you’d only die if you stopped feeding for one hundred days.”
“We can still die all the normal gruesome ways. Stabbed through the heart, beheaded, good old-fashioned burning.”
“Are they here now?” Jihoon glanced around, as if he expected a mul gwishin to be standing behind her, draped in a dripping white nightgown with dark hair hanging over her face. His tensed shoulders relaxed when he saw nothing.
Miyoung realized the buzzing in her ears was gone, like for a second talking to Jihoon had chased them away. Or maybe he’d just distracted her for a blissful moment. Either way, she didn’t want to lose this slight reprieve.
“Does it hurt?” Jihoon asked. “Not having the bead . . . inside?”
“I’m hungry all the time,” Miyoung said. “Sometimes I feel like the part of me that wants to hunt will come out any second.”
Jihoon swallowed, but he squared his shoulders and scooted closer to her, until she felt the heat of his body against her side. “Can I help?”
“You are,” she admitted. “By being here, you’re a pretty good distraction.”
Jihoon smiled and tilted his head to look at the sky. “I can see why you sit out here. It’s nice to get some sun.”
Miyoung leaned back, too. “It’s easier if I sit out here. Away from temptation. Too much gi is in that cafeteria. Plus if kids are going to use food as a weapon, I shouldn’t go where all the ammunition is.”
Jihoon glared toward the windows of the lunchroom. A few students peered down at him and Miyoung curiously, like people staring at animals at the zoo.
“You should go inside before they get ideas about covering you in flour.”
“I don’t care what they think.” Jihoon gently turned her gaze from their spectators. “And neither should you.”
“I can’t wait for the day you realize you should run away from me.”
Liar, a voice said in her head.
Everything felt like it was shifting, creating a break in her shields, a crack in her heart. She had to be strong, but a part of her started to doubt this was strength. Why did she think depending on others meant she was weak? Because Yena said so?
Nara’s words echoed back to her. She forces you to be alone because she doesn’t trust the world. Did you really have a choice at all?
They were silent as they finished their milk. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For trying to protect me from Hana. And for lying and saying I’m your girlfriend. I know you hate lying.”
Jihoon faced her. “Then maybe we should make it the truth.”
His words scared her because she realized she wanted to say yes. “Listen,” Miyoung began slowly, trying to