Why Resist a Rebel - By Leah Ashton Page 0,57

he said. Then he said the rest much more quickly, before he second-guessed himself silent. Ruby deserved to know. ‘The trouble sleeping, the loss of appetite, the horrible mornings, it’s all textbook, apparently.’

Had she tensed in his arms?

‘I thought depression was...I don’t know. When people lock themselves in their house all day. Can’t work, can’t function, can’t...feel.’ Her words were very soft, almost muffled in the sheets.

‘It can be, I guess. My doctor explained the different types to me, and their symptoms. It just all fits, and the cause is pretty damn obvious. To be honest, I’m not all that surprised.’

She turned, pulling herself up a bit in the bed so her head rested on her pillow and she faced him. It was late, but enough moonlight filtered through the curtains for Dev to make out her expression; for once it was completely unreadable.

His palm felt cool against the fitted sheet, no longer touching her.

‘I knew something was wrong, right from when I first met you.’

She reached for him, tracing the line of his jaw, across to his lips.

‘I should’ve asked more questions, I should’ve pushed harder.’

Dev blinked, confused. ‘I wouldn’t have said anything. Not until now.’

She shook her head against the pillow, and carried on as if he’d never spoken. Her touch reached the fragile skin beneath his eyes, just as she had in his mother’s library. ‘I ignored this. I went back to my place each night knowing something was wrong.’

‘You didn’t do anything wrong,’ he said. ‘You did ask, but it wasn’t the right time for me to say anything. No time was right.’

Her fingers fluttered away from his skin, and she twisted her hands awkwardly together in front of herself.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said.

He smiled, but she was too busy staring at her hands to notice. ‘Don’t be. I used to call you my distraction. I did feel when I was with you.’

In different ways. To start with it was very simple, very basic: lust. The thrill of the chase. His competitive nature to win the girl who rejected him.

But it was still heady, still an abrupt contrast to the beigeness of the rest of his days—and certainly the blackness of his nights.

And even her presence hadn’t been enough to take him away from that.

But later, maybe even the first time she’d been in this room—when she’d been willing to do anything to get her job done, to get him to set—what he felt had shifted.

Oh, the lust was still there. There was something about Ruby, something about her smile, her laugh, her eyes...

But now there was more. Now there were moments of quiet that were the opposite of awkward. Times he looked at her and felt more connected to her than he could ever remember being with anyone. More comfortable but simultaneously completely off balance by his lack of familiarity with the emotions he felt around her.

‘A distraction,’ Ruby said, very, very softly.

Automatically he reached for her, but she moved, and his hand slid from her hip. ‘In the very best possible way.’

Her lips curved into somewhat of a smile, and he knew he’d made a mistake.

‘You’re more than that, you’re—’

But she cut him off.

‘So what happens next?’

He needed a moment to refocus. ‘With my depression?’

Her gaze flicked towards the ceiling. So she didn’t like that word. He was the opposite—the label, in its own way, was powerful.

‘The doctor gave me some pamphlets to read, and told me to have a think about it, and we’ll meet again in a few weeks’ time.’

‘When The Land wraps.’

‘Yeah,’ he said.

‘That sounds...’

‘Anti-climactic?’ Dev said, and she nodded. ‘Kind of. We talked for a while, and even though I’d already decided to visit my mum, what he said just made it even more obvious. Depression is the symptom—I needed to resolve the cause.’

‘And you think you have?’

Dev shifted his weight a little. ‘Maybe. I hope so.’

Would he sleep tonight? He had no idea.

He expected Ruby to ask more questions, but she didn’t. Instead they just lay there together, not touching.

More than anything he wanted to touch her, to pull her close against him again.

But if he did, she’d leave. He could as good as hear her excuses in his head.

It made no sense, none at all.

But Dev wanted her here, even at arm’s length—so he didn’t reach for her, and he didn’t say a word.

And, eventually, he slept.

Ruby didn’t sleep. She might’ve dozed, just a little, but mostly she just lay there, watching him.

Could it really be that easy? One