Why Resist a Rebel - By Leah Ashton Page 0,22

didn’t say a lot for her that, despite Dev’s ridiculous manipulating of her and their situation, she still felt her body react at even the thought of him. And when they were together...well.

But then, he was basically the sexiest man on earth. She shouldn’t be too hard on herself. Surely she wouldn’t be human if she didn’t wonder...

It was just a little galling to realise that she—who did know better—could still be distracted by looks over personality. As, really, there wasn’t a whole lot about Devlin Cooper for her to like right now.

A long time ago, the Devlin Coopers of the world had been her type. Not that she had a life populated with movie stars, but at high school she’d gone for the captain of the footy team. And the captain of the tennis team. And the very charismatic head boy who every girl had been in love with. Then once she left school, it was the sexy bartender. Or the hot lawyer who ordered a latte every morning at the café where she worked. Or the son of the owner of the café. And...and, and, and...

She’d search out the hottest guy, the most popular guy, the guy who was the absolute least attainable for a girl like her—the rebellious foster child, abandoned by her teenage mother, with a reputation a mile long.

And then she would make it her mission to get him.

It was all about her goal, her goal to get the guy, to have him want her—her—Ruby Bell, who was nobody. Not popular, not unpopular. Not the prettiest, not the least attractive. And when she got him—and she nearly always did—she had that night, or nights, or maybe only a few hours, where she got to feel beautiful and desirable and valued and wanted.

But of course that feeling didn’t last. She—and her temporary value—was inevitably dropped. She’d hurt and cry and feel just as worthless as she had before that perfect, gorgeous guy had kissed her.

Then the cycle would start again.

Ruby’s eyes stung, and she realised she was on the verge of tears. Another memory—one that came later—was threatening, right at the edges of her subconscious.

But she wasn’t going there—not tonight, and not because of Dev.

What was important was that she’d turned her life around. Never again would she need a man to make her feel alive—to feel worthy. Never again would she be sweet, and obliging and void of any opinion purely for the attention and approval of another person.

And never again would she be the girl that was whispered about. Who walked into a room only to have the men study her with questions in their eyes—and the women with daggers in theirs.

She’d grown up in a swirl of gossip and speculation, and her adult life had begun that way too—and way too early.

The sad thing was, at first she’d actually liked the attention. She wasn’t the shy girl at the back of the classroom, she was a girl who people talked about, who people noticed. Suddenly everyone knew her name.

Maybe at first she’d fuelled the gossip. She’d been increasingly outrageous, telling herself she was in control, inwardly laughing at the people who looked at her with such disdain.

But at some point the power had shifted.

Or maybe she’d just never had any power at all.

Now she was all grown up. She was twenty-nine years old. She no longer needed anyone to validate her. She no longer harboured a fear it had taken her years to acknowledge—that if her mother hadn’t wanted her, then maybe no one ever would. In men and their fleeting attention she’d received the attention and the wanting she’d so badly craved.

But now she knew she didn’t need a man. She had her career, and her friends, and a lifestyle that she adored. If she dated, she chose men who were the opposite to the high-school football stars and Devlin Coopers of the world. And it was never for very long.

She was always in control. Everything was perfect.

And another beautiful man was not going to change any of that. She would not slide into habits long severed, or let their date impact her professional reputation: she had never been, and would never be, the subject of gossip at work. Gossip would never colour her decisions—would never control her—ever again.

She didn’t hide her past from anyone—but it was the past. She couldn’t let herself head down that path again. To lose herself while wanting something a man could never give her.

Ruby needed only