be afraid of him. I told myself not to be. Anybody could yell and throw plants and study gangsta rappers on BET until he could perfectly mimick the raised arm walk, the sneer, the Chicago Bulls hat pulled low over his forehead. But his focus was unsettling. Just a few days ago, he thought my name was Valerie. Now even my last name rolled off his tongue.
“How did you get to class this morning?” His voice was friendly, but he poked my shoulder, fairly hard, with two fingers. “Did you walk all the way in the rain?”
“I took the bus,” I said. I put a foot down on the first step to keep my balance. He was still under the overhang; I wasn’t. Rain tapped on my head and shoulders.
“Ah. Lucky you.” He kept his eyes on mine. The area around his nose bolt was definitely infected. It looked red, puffy, the skin rising over the bolt’s edges. “The bus doesn’t go out where we live. The nearest stop is about a mile away. Did you know that?”
I looked over my shoulder again. No bus. When I turned back, he didn’t seem to have moved at all. Even his eyes were very still.
“Are you even a little bit concerned with how I got to class this morning?” He was not yelling. His voice was still very calm. “Or Simone? Did you think about her? Do you ever think of anyone besides yourself? No? No concern? Well, I’ll tell you anyway.” He watched me, saying nothing for several seconds. He didn’t seem to need to blink. “I had to call a friend, someone who had nothing to do with wrecking my car. Because you wouldn’t answer your phone. Did you just not hear it ring this morning? Sleeping in, maybe?”
He flexed his eyebrows, waiting. Rain slid over my forehead, dropping into my eyes. For some reason, I did not think I should move to wipe it away.
“Or maybe you just figured it’s not your problem?”
I started to turn away. He stepped in front of me.
“So how do you think Simone and I should get home? Walk in the rain? Try to hail a cab in Kansas? Well guess what? If I have to call a cab, you’re paying for it. We’ll add it to your bill. You don’t want to answer your phone? Fine. But it’s going to cost you. And let me tell you something…you’re going to pay.”
I looked into his eyes, searching for any potential understanding. It made sense that he would be angry about the party. Anyone would be annoyed. And there was a chance he really was missing some CDs. But even if he really had lost three hundred dollars’ worth of music, it was hard to understand why he was looking at me with so much rage, why he was so bent on making me pay. I thought of his house, his car. Three hundred dollars plus cab fare was a lot for me, but it couldn’t be much for him.
“Jimmy,” I said. “I don’t have any money.” I held out both hands, as if to show him. “I would give you rides if I could. But I don’t even have a car.”
He clapped his hands hard enough to make a cracking sound that echoed off the concrete wall behind him. But his voice was still calm and quiet. “Oh, okay. So I guess you’re off the hook then. I guess it’s not your fucking problem that I can’t get to class and back because my car is going to be in the shop for another three days.”
He was smiling now, but his voice was getting loud. People walking by turned to look at us, took in my face, and looked away. There was nothing to say and nowhere to go. If I walked away, he would follow.
“Maybe I should just stay home until the car is fixed and fail all my classes? Does that sound more fair to you?”
I swallowed. He did have a point. I had wrecked the car. His logic was not completely off. I shook my head. I was doing it. I was doing what I always did with Elise and my father—stopping to consider the other point of view instead of just defending without pause. I knew this, but half of my brain was still trying to think of how I could make amends. I could call my mother and ask to use her van. But she was gone for the