You better believe it. She’s completely delusional about my assets. She thinks I’m hiding piles of money from her.”
“Yes,” I said dully. “You’ve both told me.”
“Okay. Be sarcastic. Be sullen. But at least consider what I’m saying. Let’s review the facts. Your mother, as you know, had an affair. She made the choice to break the vows, the legal contract.” He popped a piece of steak in his mouth and went back to cutting. “So she is solely responsible for the demise of the marriage, but because of the law, she still gets to walk away with half of everything I’ve earned, everything I’ve worked my ass off for, for almost thirty years. And even that isn’t enough. She thinks she’s still getting a bad deal!” He was still cutting the steak, his knife scratching against his plate, his voice getting steadily louder. The laughter at the next booth stopped. “She had it pretty good, you know? She never had to work. She always had a nice home, her garden. Nice clothes. She got her hair done. I guess I thought she was a little appreciative. Well you know what? I guessed wrong.”
That wasn’t fair. My body knew this before I did. I felt something like a current moving through me, pulling my hands up from under the table. “She took care of us,” I said. “She took care of your mother. You make it sound like she was sitting around. She…” I tried to think what it was that had filled my mother’s days while we were at school. She didn’t play tennis. She didn’t just get her nails done. She’d called the insurance companies and argued over bills. She’d picked me up at school when I was sick. She’d picked up other kids when they were sick, if their mothers were working.
My father stopped chewing. He stopped cutting his steak. He was still holding his knife and fork, but he was just staring at me.
The waitress reappeared. “How is everything?”
My father smiled, though he kept his eyes on me. “It’s all wonderful, Erin. Thank you.”
I looked down at my plate and listened to the receding footsteps of the waitress. I could hear my own shaky breathing. My napkin was in shreds in my lap.
My father took a long drink of water. “I paid for her mother’s hospital bills. Let’s not forget that. She helped my mother. I helped hers. We were a team. I thought.”
I slid my plate away and sat hunched over, my elbows on the table.
“You must be exhausted.” He went back to work on his steak. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you be so…contrary before. I have to say…I’m a little impressed.”
“Great. That was my goal.” I could feel tears welling, but I fought them back. I was angry, not sad, and I wanted him to understand the difference.
I stood up. I didn’t look at him. I snatched up my purse and my coat.
“Hey!” I heard his startled voice behind me. I kept going, blurry-eyed, past the smiling hostess at the register, past the large statue of a Holstein in the lobby, and out through the double doors to the parking lot. I was aware of the rain, the wind in my face. My coat was still balled up under my arms. I got to the edge of the parking lot and stood there for a moment. I was maybe three miles from Jimmy’s, two from the dorm. I put on my coat and started toward Jimmy’s, my head bowed against the wind.
I knew he would come after me. I couldn’t imagine that he wouldn’t. But I really wasn’t sure if I would get in. He was no better than she was. There were many ways to leave someone stranded. There were many ways of hanging up.
I’d only gone a couple of blocks when his car pulled up alongside me. The passenger window lowered, and he ducked to catch my eye.
“Okay. I’m sorry, honey. Okay? Please get in.”
Cars honked behind him. He ignored them. I kept walking, my hands pushed deep in my pockets. He kept rolling slowly along.
“What? You gonna walk home in the rain? It’s far, honey.”
I stopped and looked at him. Whatever he saw in my face made him lower his gaze. Cars were still honking. Someone yelled.
“I’m sorry.” He cleared his throat. “Okay? Okay? I am. I shouldn’t have done that in there.”
Another car honked. He held up one gloved finger to me, asking me to hold on for a