She would be calmer than my father. She’d always been the softer parent, more comforting, and more understanding of mistakes.
I emerged from the bathroom, a clean paper towel pressed against my lip. I could smell warm bread, something with cinnamon. The lobby’s stereo was now playing “Hang On Sloopy,” but I could barely hear it after passing through the double doors to the vestibule where the payphones were. I took a receiver off a hook and looked through my bag. My fingers moved underneath my physiology book, into zippered pockets. I pricked my finger on a safety pin; but in the end, I came up with almost a handful of change.
I could have tried to call Gretchen, or even Tim’s roommate. They both had cars. They were both, more than likely, in class for the morning; still, I could have left messages, and either one of them would have come to get me eventually. But that might be hours from now. It was only my mother or my father who would come right away, who would drop everything at once.
I had to feed the payphone almost all of the coins to reach the different area code. I could see my bloody lip reflected in the shiny metal of the phone. I leaned against it and closed my eyes.
“Yeah.”
I opened my eyes. I had been careful to dial the right number and the area code for Overland Park. But this was not the way my mother answered her phone.
“Who is it?” Her voice sounded a little hoarse. But it was her.
“It’s me. It’s Veronica.”
There was a pause. I heard a car horn in the background, a gunning engine. “Veronica? Where are you? Why does it say restricted number?”
“I’m at a payphone. Listen—”
“Why are you at a payphone?”
“I don’t have my phone. Mom. I need you to come pick me up. I’m at a Hardee’s in Topeka. Or just before Topeka. It’s on the turnpike.”
There was a very long pause. I considered giving her more information, but I wasn’t sure she was still there.
“Mom?”
“Why are you in a Hardee’s in Topeka?”
It was her, but it wasn’t her. She was already angry, ready to fight.
“It’s a long story. I just need you to come get me.”
“Why are you in Topeka?”
I heard another horn, Bowzer barking in the background. “Are you driving? Mom, listen to me. This is important. Pull over and listen to me.”
“I’m not driving. What are you doing in Topeka? It’s Friday morning, Veronica. You’re supposed to be in class.”
“I’ll tell you later. I just need you to come pick me u—”
“Well I can’t.”
I held the receiver away from my face and looked at it.
“Call your father. He can come and go at work as he pleases. I can’t.”
I put the receiver back up to my ear. “Mom, you don’t under—”
“No. No. You are the one who doesn’t understand.” She was yelling. It was worse than when my father yelled. I wasn’t used to it. Her voice sounded strained and tight. “Anytime anyone ever needed anything, I was right there. I’ve done everything for everybody for twenty-six years. Well I can’t do it anymore. Okay? I have to look out for myself today. I’m not your chauffeur anymore.”
I heard a series of metallic pings, the coins falling deeper into the recesses of the phone. Even then, I stayed where I was, the receiver pressed hard against my ear. I did not understand that she’d hung up until I heard the dial tone.
6
IT COST FOUR MORE QUARTERS to leave a message on my father’s voice mail. I used my remaining forty-three cents on a small cup of coffee. I managed to do that without crying, my lower lip trembling like a child’s, my “thank you” barely audible. I sat in a booth by the window and turned my face to the glass. I wasn’t really stranded, of course. I could have tried to call my father’s office—even if he was in court, the secretary could have sent someone out to get me. I could have asked the man drinking coffee in the corner for a couple of quarters. I could have asked the woman at the register behind the counter. But the longer I sat there, the more I felt incapable of asking anyone for anything. I could still hear the dial tone, like a ringing in my ears.
By the time the orange-faced clock in the lobby read ten o’clock, people were walking from their cars into the Hardee’s with quick, confident