said, she didn’t want me to see the apartment just yet. She wanted to clean it up a little first.
On my third night in the condo, my father brought home an ice cream maker. We assembled it and read the directions, and went to the grocery store to get ingredients. We spent the rest of the evening making a runny, vanilla-flavored dessert that we slurped like soup while watching Law & Order.
“I’ll have to go to the gym after this.” He leaned back on the couch, looking down at his empty bowl. “Maybe tomorrow night.”
I nodded, looking at the television, a commercial for an asthma drug. The actor playing the doctor looked like Tim. Every day, I thought of things I wanted to tell him; but I couldn’t, because he didn’t call. I looked down at my bowl of ice cream. I’d only finished half, but I put it on the floor.
My father leaned forward, stretching his arms. “I’ll hit the tread-mill, the elliptical. And the weights, too. I’ll just stop in on my way home from work. I’ll shower there. So I might be home really late tomorrow.”
I nodded again. My father had just recently joined a gym; he said he usually got himself there three or four times a week. He’d already lost much of his belly. He looked good in general. He seemed to be making more of an effort with his clothes, even when he wasn’t at work. For as long as I could remember, he’d spent his evenings in an old white T-shirt and a pair of blue sweatpants that my mother hated. Now he padded around his condo in new T-shirts and khaki shorts that looked like something Tim would wear. He had nice, striped pajamas, and a sleek robe for after he got out of the shower.
“You sure you don’t mind?” He bent over to pick up his dessert bowl and mine. “I don’t want to slack off too much over the holidays. But you might even be asleep by the time I get back.”
“I don’t mind.” I kept looking at the television. The asthma commercial had thrown me into a downward spiral. Tim would get a new girlfriend. I would see them together on campus.
“Honey?” My father stood up, holding the dessert bowls.
“Dad. Go to the gym tomorrow.” I forced myself to smile. “Don’t feel bad. I think it’s great that you’re taking care of yourself.”
He looked away. He looked back at me, biting his lip.
“I’m so nervous,” he said. “I hate this.”
I looked up at him. He picked up the remote and turned off the television.
“I’m seeing someone.” He set the dessert bowls on the glass table a little too hard. One of them tipped over, spilling vanilla. He cursed under his breath. “Okay? There it is. I’m seeing someone. I’m sure that’s strange for you. Believe me, Veronica. It’s strange for me to look at your sweet face and tell you his, but I have a woman friend. She is a part of my life. I’ve moved on. That’s who I want to see tomorrow night.”
I did not move. I did not react. I did not want to know any more, but if he kept talking, I would have to listen. I could not keep clapping my hands over my ears like a child. My father looked down at me over the tops of his bifocals, watching my eyes. I didn’t think I had ever seen him look so unsure of himself.
“She’s a very nice woman,” he said. “Susan O’Dell? You met her years ago, at my firm’s Labor Day party? She brought that huge watermelon? She could barely carry it, remember? Auburn hair? Slim? She came to Elise’s wedding.” He held up his hands. “Nothing was going on. She was just a business associate, a friend. But we’ve started spending time together…”
I tried to remember his firm’s Labor Day party, or even just a flash of any woman carrying a watermelon. I came up with nothing. I focused on staying calm, and on not letting my lip curl even a little.
“You’ll like her a lot. She’s really smart. Great lawyer. She’s not looking for a free ride, you know? She’s worked hard her whole life.”
My gaze hardened. I didn’t know if he was making a comparison to my mother or not.
He took a step back. He smoothed his hair with his hand. “I want you to meet her,” he said. “I want her to come over for dinner when