Vinnie hesitated in his response and I could only imagine what he was thinking, likely reminiscing on the high we reached the night before. The rough, animalistic sex we had over the coffee table, to ride out our buzz before collapsing on the floor. I wondered if he wished he was high right now, while in the face of my father’s dubious approval and if he regretted insisting they be invited.
But after pulling in a deep breath, he nodded. “I’ll hurt myself before I ever do anything to intentionally hurt your daughter.”
Dad pursed his lips and nodded. “I’ll settle for that.”
We accepted the excited congratulations from his brother and sister, along with their husbands. It was a wonderful feeling, to have their acceptance and encouragement, but the persistent expression of discontent on my mother’s face was slowly burning a hole through my joy.
But she never said a word, as we took pictures among the trees and flowers, alongside a quiet creek leading down to the Great South Bay. She silently smiled and stood with us, playing the parts of doting mother and mother-in-law for the photo album. But as the photographer was changing his lens, in preparation for the judge’s arrival, she approached me, arms crossed, and head tipped to the ground.
“Andrea,” she said quietly. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
I looked up to Vinnie, silently asking if I should. He nudged his chin toward my mom and said, “Go ahead, the judge’ll be here in a few minutes. You got time.”
So, I walked with her, allowing her to lead me to the creek’s bank. I sighed in preparation and watched the babbling water as it shimmered in an amber glow from the sun’s rays. She pulled in a deep breath beside me and then shook her head.
“I’m trying to think of the right way to say this,” she began, and I remained silent, allowing her the time to put together whatever stream of nonsense I was already resigned to ignore. “I think you’re making a mistake.”
“Is that a message from Mer and Willa?” I asked, bitter that my sisters had refused to witness me getting married.
“They told me about what happened at the party,” she confirmed, nodding slowly. “And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed—or disgusted, if I’m really being honest. But that’s not why I think this is a mistake.”
“Oh, good.”
Then, she jabbed my shoulder with a gentle finger. “I don’t think he’s good for you. He can barely take care of himself. How the hell is he going to take care of you, too?”
“You have no idea what you’re—”
“You might not want to see it, and that’s why I’m telling you now. He’s … troubled. You can see it in his eyes, and I don’t know what exactly it is. You can make excuses for it all you want, but the bottom line is, I’m afraid that whatever’s going on with him, he’s just going to drag you down there with him.”
Tears stung the backs of my eyes at the agonizing despair in her tone, at how clueless she really was to what was going on and the fact that I didn’t think I’d ever be able to tell her. She and my sisters had accused me of being blind, but it was them who refused to see. They had all put the blame on Vinnie, when so much of it came down to the one person they’d never point a finger at: me.
“I wish you’d believe that I love him,” I whispered past the emotion rising in my throat.
“I do,” she insisted. “But sometimes, love isn’t enough.”
“Yeah,” I said, sniffing and turning to head back. “And sometimes, it’s all that matters.”
***
I was grateful when the judge had agreed to meet us at the arboretum. Vinnie and I both liked the privacy of it, surrounded by a natural hush, and I thought I could avoid the fuzzy sounds of spirits. Apart from Vincent, forever staring, I'd been right, and for the first time, I didn't want him to disappear.
I wanted to watch him watch his youngest son get married.
I wanted him to see Vinnie happy.
Standing beneath the sagging bows of a weeping willow, the judge instructed us on where to stand. I took my place, facing Vinnie and grinning at the euphoric expression on his face. That was his stoned face, the one he made just as the buzz really took hold. But there weren't any substances influencing him here.