my siblings simply for having different lives than me, knowing that underneath the worry, I was only jealous it wasn’t me.
I lit the cigarette and inhaled, slow and deep, only to exhale in hopes that I’d also release my stress and worry. My fingers scrolled through my phone, seemingly with a mind of their own, when I came across Andy’s number.
I hadn’t thought about her since leaving the hospital, not with the ordeal of bringing my father home. But now, staring at her name and number, I couldn’t get her out of my head, and because I was never one to deny an impulse, I called her.
I just don’t think I expected her to answer.
“Hey!” I could hear the smile in her tone, bright and bubbly, like it wasn’t a quarter past midnight.
“Hey.” I blew a stream of smoke into the night. “I can’t believe you’re awake.”
“Oh,” she laughed, “don’t let my work hours fool you. I’m really a night owl, and I don’t go to bed before three AM on nights when I don’t have work the next day.”
“Ah.” I nodded to the night sky. “A day off, nice.”
“Two days off,” she corrected triumphantly.
“Good for you,” I laughed, then sucked at the end of the cigarette.
“So, how are you? Is everything okay?”
I pinched the smoke between my fingers, pulling it from my lips. “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Well, I mean, you called, so I figured—”
“Yeah, I dunno, I guess I just wanted to talk to someone.” I licked my lips, realizing how vague and weak that sounded. Like she could’ve been anybody, like it didn’t matter that it was her. So, I added, “I mean, I wanted to talk to you.”
“Oh,” she answered, nearly in a whisper.
That one-worded response led to an awkward silence that I would’ve filled with a kiss, if we were together in person and if she was any other girl. And it was in that moment, I realized and acknowledged that she wasn’t just any other girl. She was different, and in what way, I didn’t know. But I know I liked it.
I liked her.
“So, um, what are you up to?” I asked, forcing myself to use my tongue for other things, like conversation.
“Oh, uh … just watching some YouTube videos.”
“What kinda videos?”
“Promise to not make fun of me?”
“Nope.”
“What?” She laughed incredulously. “Seriously?”
“Yo, I can’t promise nothin’. If you tell me you’re watching behind the scenes footage of the Teletubbies or some shit, you can bet your ass I’m gonna make fun of you.”
“Wow,” she grumbled. “And here I thought you were a nice guy.”
I grinned around the cigarette, then sucked in a puff of smoke to hold in my lungs, before asking, “And that’s my problem, how?”
Andy laughed, filling the space between the phone and my ear with a happiness I hadn’t felt in days. “Touché. Anyway, I’m really into watching videos of John Edward.”
My eyes narrowed at the street below me. “The guy who sees dead people?”
“He doesn’t see dead people,” she muttered defensively. “He’s a psychic medium, and a really good one, actually.”
“Okay,” I conceded, nodding. “So, you’re actually into that stuff?” I asked, remembering the night I had met her outside that show Greyson had dragged us to.
“I am.”
“That’s cool,” I shrugged, stamping my cigarette out in the ashtray I kept outside. “Why would I laugh at you for that?”
“Well, considering how we met …”
“Hey, I don’t care if people are into that shit. What I cared about, was you making fun of my brother-in-law for believing in it.”
“I think it’s nice you care about your family so much.”
The compliment came from nowhere, it seemed, and I stopped the grinding of my fingers. “Yeah, well, uh … they’re kinda all I have, so …”
“Oh, come on. That can’t be true.”
“Well, it ain’t a lie.”
“You don’t have any friends? Or a, um, a girlfriend or boyfriend, or … I dunno …”
“No girlfriend, and I’m not into guys,” I said with a smile, easily offering the information she was obviously fishing for. “I have a couple friends, but I’m not like, super popular or anything.”
“Yeah, same here.”
“Which?”
“What do you mean?”
My back relaxed against the side of the brick building as I pulled out another cigarette. “Friends or a boyfriend, or you know, girlfriend, if you swing that way.” Grinning, I lit the cigarette and inhaled, patiently awaiting her response, and allowing her some seconds to adjust to my direct approach.