“Why did you need to escape?” I asked her, turning around to face the tears streaming from her eyes.
“You wouldn't understand.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “You don't get to play that game with me. I am ruining my life for the shit we're doin’ together and I need to know if it's at least worth it.”
“You have your reasons and I have mine,” she offered with a weak shrug.
“Why, Andy? Just tell me why.”
She closed her eyes and pressed her hands over her temples. “Because I needed it to stop. I needed it to be quiet, in order to be happy.”
I narrowed my eyes and watched her as the tears continued to fall. She was shrinking before me, wilting in on herself as the truth finally blossomed from the lies.
“What?”
Her eyes opened and she looked off to somewhere beside me. “I, um ... I don't know how to even tell you this. I never wanted you to know. But I hear this sound all the time, like TV static or, um, radio interference. It's always there, and it's so annoying. But there's something else ...”
“Okay. What is it?”
“I ... I see, um,” she swallowed hard against the war she was fighting, “I see ... spirits.”
I was sure I hadn't heard her correctly. I was also sure I was going crazy, if I wasn't there already.
“Andy,” I groaned, pressing my fingertips to my forehead. “Come on.”
“No!” she shouted, a fresh air of determination taking over. “It ... It's been happening my whole life, but I didn't realize it until my imaginary friend, Jamie, didn't go away. My family thought I was insane, and so, I've had to pretend that it's not there anymore, but it is. It never went away. And this is why I've been single forever, because it's so distracting to hear this, this shit all the damn time, and to see them, and all the shit they need me to—what?”
I could only shrug and shake my head, but when I didn't speak, she pressed harder. “What, Vinnie? Tell me exactly what you're thinking right now and justify every one of my reasons for doing this crap with you, instead of just being honest with you in the first place. Go ahead.”
I pulled in a deep breath and lifted my shoulders. “I'm thinkin' that I really fucked you up. I-I-I fuckin' drove you crazy.”
“No,” she insisted, shaking her head fervently. “No, I swear to God, this is the truth.”
“Your family was right,” I went on. “You didn't wanna listen but ... fuck ...”
“Your father!” she shouted, desperation making her shrill, as she thrust a hand out toward the area beside me. “He's right there!”
A wave of anger swept me away from my concern at the mention of Pops. “Don't you dare go there with me.”
But Andy wouldn't listen. “He's been here for months. I needed to make him leave—”
“Enough!”
“—so I tried getting high and it worked. For the first time ever, something actually worked. But then, I get sober, and there he is, just staring—”
“God, Andy, shut the fuck up!”
She shook her head, stepping toward me without caution. “He's so worried about you, baby. He won't go away, not until—”
Thwack!
Her hand immediately flew to touch the spot on her cheek where I had slapped her, now hot and bright red. Fresh tears formed in her eyes and I faltered before pulling her against my chest.
“I'm sorry,” I whispered, shaking and appalled with myself. “I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that, I just ... I just couldn't listen to it anymore.”
Andy sniffled noisily, soaking my t-shirt with her tears. “I knew I sh-shouldn't ha-have told you,” she sobbed. “I knew y-y-you wouldn't be able to handle it.”
There was a hollow ache building in my chest that came along with my reluctant acceptance. Andy was sick. She was mentally unstable, and whether I had made her that way or not, I didn't know. But what I did know was, I was hurting her, physically and psychologically, and that it would only get worse. I knew that the best thing I could do, the best way to show my love for her, was to let her go.
“Sweetheart,” I said, pulling her away from my chest.
Her cheek wore the mark of my palm and I swore I couldn't hate myself more than I did in that moment, and I knew that I deserved the pain I was about to suffer. Every last drop of it.