more than sex at this point, and Emil hadn’t even noticed when that changed.
It was as if they knew each other from a previous life, and their souls understood they shared a bond that couldn’t be expressed with something as conventional as words.
Emil hadn’t accepted himself as a gay man straight off the bat either, so he felt for Adam who seemed as lost as a deer on a highway.
“What am I supposed to do about this mess? It’ll be hard to forget last night,” Emil told Jinx, who snorted and shook his giant head, chasing flies away. A part of him wanted to tell Radek a censored version of what happened, but that would have been a betrayal of Adam’s trust. He needed to keep it all—the joys and the disappointments—to himself.
His stallion pulled on the reins and peeked over Emil’s shoulder, standing taller, as if he were saluting his king.
The back of Emil’s neck tingled, but he looked back, disappointed to see Adam running toward him in a cassock. Without the customary clothes of a priest, he seemed like a normal guy. A guy who was available, so it was safe to assume that by dressing in such somber clothes he wanted to communicate he was anything but. Regardless of his desires, he’d made it clear that he took his vows seriously.
No matter how much Emil wanted to get his hands on the athletic body hidden under a thick layer of black fabric, on the pale lips and golden skin, they weren’t his to take.
“Hey. Everything okay at the church? I heard they’re considering what they found a hate crime?”
Adam cleared his throat and rested his hands on his hips, breathing softly as Jinx stepped closer to smell him. “I removed my fingerprints from the… whip left in the church. Someone needs to come over from the office of the Provincial Monument Conservator to decide what to do about the damaged sculpture. In other news, Father Marek doesn’t have a hangover. That man’s gonna outlive all of us.”
Emil guessed last night’s passion was a taboo topic as well, and while he wanted to honor Adam’s wishes, he couldn’t help the sense of loss at the pit of his stomach. He’d been on his own for so long he learned how to trick himself that he wasn’t lonely, but the raw closeness he’d experienced in bed with Adam proved that he’d been lying to himself all this time. For the span of those twenty minutes, he’d felt truly connected to someone. He’d been seen and understood, but the fact that there was a third player in the room, not only watching but imprisoning Adam within his own body turned all of Emil’s giddiness to rot.
“Will you ride home with me?” Emil patted Jinx’s rump where it was scarred from his many accidents, which had somehow still left him without any serious injuries.
Adam hesitated, but in the end his lips stretched into a soft smile. “How about we walk?” he asked before brushing the backs of his fingers against Jinx’s soft nose. The morning sun shone through his fair hair, transforming it into thin rays of light illuminating Adam’s head like a halo.
Emil wished to touch it, but kept his hands to himself, silently mourning what could have been if Adam wasn’t a priest. He should have never stuck his hand into the beehive because now he’d tasted the honey of Adam’s lips only to get stung, and would forever know what he was missing out on.
Emil grabbed Jinx’s reins and started walking. “So I’m guessing that whip was what left the bruising on your back?”
Adam lowered his head but didn’t react with anger. “I know what you think. But it really helps me stay in control.”
Emil swallowed, uncomfortable yet desperate to uncover more. Self-flagellation was hardly an appropriate topic for their surroundings—a sea of wheat shining brightly in the growing June sunshine.
“Are you… hm… a masochist?”
Adam laughed, as if he’d expected an intrusive question but got asked a funny one instead. “No, I… I do it to stop thinking about things I shouldn’t. Trying to recondition myself.”
That sounded like a very grim self-conversion therapy. “When I was going through puberty and discovering that I liked boys, I found it hard to accept too,” Emil said in the gentlest voice he could muster. He didn’t mean to pressure Adam or belittle his convictions. It was a conversation about something they were both dealing with, and while he meant to encourage