to project anything onto him, but it’s strange and a bit concerning that a mention of his mother makes him tense so much.
He certainly didn’t hug her today the way he has before, and he didn’t seem particularly sad to see her go. I think of that first visit, and the two hours he spent waiting by the door, the hour of screaming afterwards. We’ve come a long way since then, but I wonder if Beth would see it as progress. I certainly never expected him to assimilate so quickly.
“Time for bed,” I say, and Dylan relaxes a little bit. Back in the bedroom, I turn back the duvet as he scrambles into bed, reaching for his rabbit, and then I sit on the end and sing several lullabies, the most relaxing part of my day. I don’t remember when I started doing this, maybe in the middle of that first night when I had to sleep next to him. I sing all the old songs—“Hush Little Baby,” and “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star,” all three verses. I hadn’t realized I still knew them until I sang them to Dylan. “Then the traveler in the dark, thanks you for your little spark. Would he know which way to go, if you did not twinkle so?”
He drifts off by the last verse; a full day of school, plus Beth’s visit, has wiped him out. I watch him for a few moments, his face softened and relaxed in sleep, his breath coming in and out in soft little sighs. One hand is curled around his rabbit’s good ear; the one I sewed on is still hanging on, but it’s gone even floppier.
Outside, the stars are pricking the sky with their tiny sparks, just like in the lullaby, and I have a weary desire to stay in this darkened room with this sleeping child, where life seems so simple and sweet. But I know I can’t, and after another few peaceful moments, I rise from the bed and head downstairs for my conversation with Nick.
He snaps off the TV the second I come into the kitchen, already frowning. “So what’s going on?” he asks, sounding a bit belligerent.
I sigh heavily. I want a glass of wine, but we finished the bottle at dinner, even though I only had a few sips. Nick kept filling Beth’s glass as well as his own.
“Last week I found something in Josh’s room,” I say quietly, and Nick’s frown deepens into a severe crease in his forehead.
“Last week? And you didn’t tell me?”
“I’m sorry. There never seemed to be the right time.” Nick just gives me a look, and I recognize that as the feeble excuse it is. “I suppose I didn’t want to have to think about it, and it might be nothing.”
“Okay.” He absorbs that for a moment before asking, “So what did you find?”
“Money.”
“Money?” He sounds incredulous, very slightly sneering.
“Six hundred and fifty-four dollars, to be exact, rolled up with a rubber band and hidden under his boxer shorts.” I collapse onto the sofa, exhausted by everything. I want Nick to take control of this, to have a man-to-man chat with Josh, to sort it out, make it better. But I can already tell from his frowning expression, the way his gaze is darting around as if searching for probable answers, he’s not going to do that. I suppose it isn’t really fair for me to expect him to.
“Obviously there’s a reasonable explanation,” he states.
“Yes.” The word escapes from me like a sigh.
“What are you thinking? Drugs?” He sounds accusing, but of me.
“It crossed my mind,” I admit. “I mean, it would, Nick. He doesn’t have six hundred bucks. He has no way to make that kind of money.”
“He mowed lawns last summer…”
“At ten bucks a pop, that’s what? Sixty-five lawns? No way.” I shake my head wearily. “I thought maybe he was keeping it for someone, but why would he?”
“Maybe he sold something. His phone…?”
“He hasn’t sold his phone.”
Nick shrugs. “There has to be a reason. Josh isn’t into drugs, Ally. He’s varsity cross-country and baseball. They get tested for doping. Anyway, he wouldn’t be that stupid.”
He isn’t thinking anything I haven’t already considered, several times. “You don’t know that,” I tell him. “Besides, the anti-doping tests are random, and only once in a blue moon. Josh hasn’t actually had one yet.”
“And you just want to assume he’s into something bad? That he’s some druggie?”