room—conference table, chairs, a blank-faced whiteboard. There is a stale smell of old coffee in the air, which makes me wonder if we’ll get refreshments. This course is two hours long, after all.
After a minute or two, a woman sweeps into the room. She’s in her fifties, with gray hair piled haphazardly on top of her head and a smiley sort of face. She’s wearing a loose blouse and a long skirt, and she has hippie jewelry—a beaded necklace and dangling earrings. I’d think she was trying too hard, but somehow it works, and I like her, although part of me doesn’t want to.
“I see I’m the last one here.” She gives us all a wide smile as she puts a battered messenger bag on one end of the table. “Have you been able to get acquainted?” Silence as we all shrug. “Why don’t we go around and say our names? I’m Margaret, and I have two daughters, Stella and Verity, aged twenty-one and twenty-four.”
She turns to me expectantly, and I half-mumble, “I’m Beth and I have a son, Dylan, who is seven.” Just saying that much makes my voice catch and I look down at the chipped Formica table, blinking hard, as the teenager introduces herself.
“I’m Angelica, and I have a son who is two and this one here.” She rests one hand on her large bump. “Due in two months.” I can’t keep from looking up in surprise. She has a son who is two? She looks so young.
The last woman takes her turn. “I’m Diane, and I have a son, Peter, who is eleven.” She swallows hard, as if she is going to say more, but then decides not to. She presses her lips together and looks at us all defiantly. I wonder what her story is, and if I want to know it.
“Great,” Margaret enthuses. “This is a great start.” We all stare at her blankly, because all we’ve done is say our names. “Now I’ll just say a few words about the Triple P course, in case you haven’t had a description of it yet.”
We all settle back into our seats in a way that makes me think we’ve all had the description, but Margaret’s got to tick this box anyway.
I tune out a bit as she explains about how we’re going to learn about positive parenting techniques before we tackle any challenges, even though she expects we’ll want to rush ahead to deal with any issues we’re facing currently. We’re in the Level Four course because we’re dealing with, as she says, “significant challenges”. I can’t argue with that, but I want to.
Then she gives us each a checklist to make sure we’re really Level Four worthy. I scan the list and inwardly squirm at each description: Do you struggle to take your child out in public? Does your child wake repeatedly at night, or need an extended routine to fall asleep? Do you find yourself arranging your life to meet your child’s emotional needs?
Yes, yes, and yes, I think, but does that have to be a problem? Clearly it does, since I’m here, and I wonder then why I am so resistant to this course. Surely I want to be a better mom… even if it means admitting I wasn’t a great one already. My thoughts go round and round in an unpleasant circle, and I force myself to listen to Margaret as she launches into the positive parenting techniques, talking as if it is both elementary and rocket science at the same time—obvious, yet clearly completely beyond us.
I try not to get annoyed as she talks about spending quality time with our children—“it only has to be ten or fifteen minutes at a time, but really invested, without your phone or the television on”—and how important physical affection is—“hugging, cuddling, tickling.”
Angelica is already looking bored and Diane is chewing her nails. I am silent, because I know I don’t need this. I already spend plenty of quality time with my child, never mind ten or fifteen minutes. And physical affection, or lack of it, has never been an issue. Did Susan really think I needed to be told this?
By the end of the two hours, I am feeling restless and definitely annoyed, because Margaret hasn’t said anything I don’t already know, that I don’t already do. She must have picked up on my irritation because as I’m standing up, getting ready to leave, she smiles at me, cocking her head, and says,