The whole broken system? I can’t make sense of my feelings, and so I push them away, trying to focus on the present, which is surely hard enough.
When I come back into the kitchen, I see that Beth has moved to the sofa in the family room, and Dylan is on her lap. She is murmuring to him, but I can’t make out the words, and I glance at Susan, who is standing in the kitchen, looking a bit bemused.
“I think Beth would like some time alone with her son,” she says. “Would you like to show me the rest of the house, Ally?”
I can’t tell if this is just to give Beth and Dylan some privacy, or if she needs to inspect it for some reason.
“Sure,” I say after a moment. I look around the kitchen, and then gesture to my office. “Here is my office…”
We go through the downstairs—office, laundry room, living room, dining room—and then I head upstairs. Does she need to see Josh’s room? It’s probably a mess.
But as we get to the top of the stairs, Susan touches my hand. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to give Beth some space.”
“Oh.” I let out an undisguised sigh of relief. “Right.”
“How are you finding all this, Ally?” Susan cocks her head, her smile so sympathetic that I feel weirdly on my guard. “Monica mentioned this is your first placement. I know there can be quite an adjustment period, not just for the child in care, but for the family.”
“Um, yeah, we’re okay.” At least I think we are, mostly. I certainly don’t want to burden Susan, who must see families hard hit by tragedy, with my small concerns and petty troubles.
“You have a son?” Susan asks.
“Yes, Josh. He’s a junior in high school. And Emma… she’s at college.”
“How lovely. And how have things been with Dylan?”
“Um, yeah, good.” I sound so nervous, as if I am lying. “He’s a really sweet boy, but, um, you know, he has his moments.”
“Yes.” Susan is unfazed by my veiled criticism. “He’s been having tantrums? Screaming?”
I think of that high, piercing note. “Yes, but only a few times a day.”
Susan nods slowly. “And he’s eating and sleeping okay?”
“I think so. He doesn’t eat very much and he wakes up in the night sometimes, but it’s… manageable.” I’m not going to tell her that I sleep next to him most nights, but the omission makes me feel guilty, and I can feel myself blushing. I know I’m probably breaking some rule.
Susan nods again. “Monica and I would like to meet with you together, to discuss Dylan’s action plan. Now that we know he’ll be staying with you for at least three months, he should be registered for school, as well as scheduled for certain therapies and assessments we believe he needs.”
“Yes, of course.”
“Would four o’clock tomorrow afternoon be all right?”
“Yes, fine.” I hesitate, and Susan raises her eyebrows, sensing my question. “It’s just… why did you take him away?” I ask, lowering my voice to a whisper. “I don’t understand it. They seem so close… she obviously loves him, and he loves her.” I swallow hard. “He stood by the door for two hours, just waiting for her, when I told him she was coming to visit.”
“Yes, I can believe that.” Susan sounds so unsurprised, I have a sudden urge to shake her, or at least wipe that bland look off her face.
“So why did you separate them?” I ask, and I almost sound aggressive.
Susan just takes my tone in her stride; she must be used to it all by now.
“Did Dylan’s response to his mother seem at all… odd… to you?” she asks after a moment, her tone diffident.
“Odd?” I’m not sure what she wants me to say. “I mean, yes, I suppose it was a bit… intense. On both sides.”
“Yes.” Susan nods as if I’ve given the correct answer. “It’s my belief that their relationship has an unhealthy level of intensity. Beth has isolated Dylan from everyone but herself. She’s refused to allow him to go to school, to make friends, or even to receive the appropriate medical care he needs.”
I absorb this, trying to fit it in to what I know of Dylan, what I’ve seen of Beth. “Does he want to go to school?”
“I don’t think Dylan has ever been able to figure out what he wants,” Susan says quietly. “He’s so wrapped up in what Beth wants… in pleasing her, in following her unspoken rules.”