When You Come Back to Me (Lost Boys #2) - Emma Scott Page 0,92
about it.”
“You should tell Mom about it,” Amelia said, her voice cracking again. “Tell her everything. She’s not going to care that you’re…gay? Bi?” She waved a hand. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me. But if you care about Holden, you should tell her. She wants to know that stuff. She wants you to be happy.”
“It’s not that simple,” I said heavily. “You know how Dad is about football. It would change everything.”
“Is that so bad?”
I sighed and my eyes fell on a set of her Russian dolls lined up in a row, painted in brilliant reds, blues, and yellows, each one growing successively smaller.
“It’s like this,” I said and picked up the smallest doll, about the size of a peanut in its shell. “This is me. The real me.” I put the peanut doll into the next largest doll, and then both into the next largest, on and on until there was only one big doll left, heavy with all the others locked inside it.
To my surprise, Amelia nodded, understanding in her eyes. “There’s a guy in my class. He came out to his family last month and now he lives in Pittsburgh with his grandma. Dad would never be as bad as that, but…I get it.” She slipped her small hand in mine and rested her cheek against my shoulder. “You can trust me, River. I won’t say anything until you’re ready.”
“Thank you, Amelia. And you can trust me too. When things get bad, you come to me, okay? Don’t disappear on me.”
“I’ll try not to. But you’ll be halfway across the country.” Tears were starting. “What are we going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
Story of my life.
The front sign at the Pogonip Country Club was changed to read: Tonight—Central High Senior Prom! Garlands of lights were strung along the front walk and couples—girl with boy—strolled in.
Inside, the room was dim and round tables were set up in a semi-circle bordering the dance floor. A DJ spun at one end, and tables with appetizers and non-alcoholic beverages were set up like a wedding reception.
My gaze found Chance and Donte standing in a small group.
“Let’s head over,” I said.
I lead Violet, looking beautiful in deep blue, to my friends as if she were a goddamn shield against suspicion, another layer concealing who I truly was. They grinned as I approached, Donte giving me an approving look and wink. I should’ve been relieved.
I felt sick. I was a fraud. Not because of what my so-called friends knew or didn’t know about me, but because of what I knew. What I felt. A thousand emotions boiled up in me, every one of them for Holden.
I can’t do this anymore.
My narrow, shallow world was suffocating the life out of me. If I kept up the charade another minute I was going to implode. If my mother died never knowing who I was…
Elation mixed with fear surged through me—the kind of feeling you only get when you do the right thing, no matter how hard. The urge to run out the door and drive straight to Holden gripped me, but I had to restrain myself. I couldn’t ditch Violet. Not again. Not on her Prom night.
A few hours more. Then it’s over.
By the end of the night, my pretend world was going to end because I was going to tear it down, brick by brick, layer by layer, until I was free.
I checked my phone for a message from Holden. Nothing. But the exhilaration and relief were still there, and before my old fears and doubts returned to crush them, I had to make it real. Put it in writing.
Stay in Santa Cruz, I typed. With me.
No answer.
The night dragged but I did everything I could to give Violet the best Prom. I brought her drinks, talked and laughed, and danced with her. Not for show or to prove anything but because she deserved a perfect night.
When it’s over, I’ll have my perfect night too.
The time came to announce Prom King and Queen. Violet leaned over the table to me. “Do you have your speech planned?”
I thought about Donte’s suspicion and how I’d basically checked out of my social life at Central to be with Holden these last few months. “I don’t think it’s gonna be me.”
“Who else would it be?”
“Guess we’re about to find out.”
Vice Principal Chouder and the Prom Committee Chair, Layla Calderon, took the stage and read the nominees for Queen.