When You Come Back to Me (Lost Boys #2) - Emma Scott Page 0,135
waiting for?”
“I don’t know. I’m scared of fucking it up again. That I’m not well enough.”
Silas thought for a moment and folded his hands on the table. “I was where you were just a year ago. And then I met someone.”
I sat back in my chair. “Oh damn. The way you said that just now tells me everything I need to know. You’re madly in love with him.”
Silas chuckled. “Damn straight. His name’s Max and he’s…everything. Better than anything I believed was possible. But it hasn’t been easy. I have a therapist too, I go to meetings, and Alaska still tries to infiltrate our happiness. But when it does, Max helps me. Because he loves me as much as I love him. I don’t know this River, but he sounds a lot like my Max.”
“I’d give my right testicle to call him my River.”
“It’s not too late.”
“It could be. He may have settled down already. He wants a house with a white picket fence and 2.5 kids while I have wanderlust in my blood.”
“So you compromise.” Silas leaned over the table. “Look. When you’re down in the shit, it’s impossible to imagine a better life than what you have. But it’s there. You just have to trust yourself enough to reach for it.”
Suddenly I was on the damn verge of tears. “What if he’s given up on me?”
“If he has, you’ll survive it. You’ve made it this far. But do you honestly think that’s possible?”
“I never told him,” I said in a broken whisper. “He told me he loved me, and I never said it back. Not where he could hear it.”
“Go to wherever he is, and you just say it.”
“Because it’s that easy.”
“No, it’s scary as shit,” Silas said. “But damn, Holden. Think of what could be waiting for you on the other side.”
The waiter came by and dropped the check. I reached for it, but Silas was faster. He tried to pull it toward him, but I held on and a mini tug-of-war ensued.
“Look at us,” I said. “Two idiot billionaires fighting over who gets to pick up a thirty-dollar tab. When the revolution comes, they’re going to hang us first.”
Silas threw back his head and laughed, and I snagged the bill.
Outside, the night air was warm and thick—summer in New York City, and I wore only a lightweight jacket. A major achievement, even if no one knew it.
River would know it. He’d notice instantly.
“I have to get home to Seattle,” Silas said. “But let’s keep in touch, okay?”
“We’d better. When I get back to the book tour, I have a date in Seattle. Bring your Max.”
“When you get back to the tour? Does this mean you’re pausing to go to your River?”
I heaved a breath. “I have to take a shot. I love him too much.”
Silas’s eyes filled. “You know that’s a victory over Alaska, right? Being able to love someone without the self-hate, shame, and guilt getting in the way. We gotta grab our victories wherever and whenever we can and hold on.”
I nodded, my own eyes stinging. I pulled Silas in for a hug. “Thank you for coming. And for what you did for me in Alaska. You saved me that night and they punished you for it—”
“I’d do it a hundred times over,” Silas said fiercely, his voice gruff. “But you saved me too, Holden. You kept me sane. I wouldn’t have made it out if it weren’t for you.”
“I find that hard to believe,” I said. “But I’m trying.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
I stopped by Amelia’s favorite Thai food restaurant on the way to my twice-weekly dinner at home. A peace offering. She was hardly speaking to me anymore and Dad said she was getting home late most nights. Lots of noise, loud music, shouting, and people he didn’t know coming in and out of his house.
It hurt my heart because I knew my sister, and this wasn’t her. She was on a downhill slide, from ditching classes years ago, to hanging with assholes. Something worse was coming if things didn’t change.
I pulled up to the house and found a ’92 Dodge Challenger idling in the driveway, white but dirty and scratched. It rattled and spat plumes of exhaust. Two figures were in the front seat arguing; I heard muffled shouting—one voice low and harsh, one belonging to my sister.
Something worse…
I got out of my truck with the bag of takeout just as the guy made a fast move, and Amelia’s head jerked back and struck